Choose Joy Over Happiness
Happiness needs the ice cream; joy shows up smiling even when the ice cream is gone.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 75%
Choose Joy Over Happiness is Wells' distinction between a transient, externally-triggered feeling and a chosen internal state. Happiness is the ice cream — pleasant, but gone the moment the ice cream is gone. Joy is showing up engaged even in work that isn't your favorite, like wrangling customs agents and shipping logistics. Because entrepreneurs and leaders set the tone others take cues from, keeping as much control as possible over how you show up matters enormously. Joy lets you get a parking ticket and keep a smile on your face instead of surrendering the whole day to unhappiness.
Origin
Wells built this distinction into the recreation section of her book after recognizing that as a leader, how she shows up affects everyone taking cues from her. She found joy in even unglamorous parts of her manufacturing work — customs and shipping — and articulated joy as a chosen state versus happiness as an outside-controlled one.
Core principles
- 01Happiness is triggered by an outside force; when the trigger goes, so does the happiness.
- 02Joy is an internal state you choose while engaged in something, even something you don't love.
- 03Don't let outside forces control how you show up.
- 04Leaders set the emotional tone; others take cues from how you show up.
- 05Maintaining joy under friction keeps you moving with a smile despite setbacks.
How to run it
- 1
Spot externally-triggered happiness
Identify moods that depend on an outside force — the ice cream that makes you happy until it's gone.
Watch out If an outside force can grant your mood, it can also take it away.
- 2
Choose to show up with joy
Decide to be engaged and present even in tasks you don't love, treating joy as a state you generate rather than receive.
Pro tip Wells finds joy even in dealing with customs agents and shipping headaches.
- 3
Protect your state as a leader
Recognize that people take cues from how you show up, so keep as much control as possible over your state and reset to joy after setbacks.
Pro tip Get a parking ticket? 'That wasn't great, but I still have a smile on my face.'
Watch out Surrendering your mood to events ripples out to everyone who follows your lead.
In the wild
Wells contrasts happiness and joy: happiness means a ticket on the way to work makes you unhappy, while joy says 'that wasn't great, but I still have a smile on my face' and keeps you moving.
→ You retain control of your state instead of letting an external event set the day's tone.
Common mistakes
Outsourcing your mood to external triggers
Relying on the 'ice cream' means your state collapses the moment the trigger disappears.
Is it for you?
Best for
Leaders and entrepreneurs whose emotional state sets the tone for a team or family.
Not ideal for
Contexts where naming and sitting with difficult emotions matters more than maintaining composure.
From the transcript
“happiness is like I'm eating ice cream ice cream makes me happy... what happens when the ice cream goes away are you now unhappy”
“Joy is like that wasn't great but I still have a smile on my face and I've figured out how to still keep it moving”
From the episode
Tina Wells: The Elevation Approach, How to Achieve Work-Life Harmony While Still Crushing Your Goals
Tina Wells