Circles of Care
Comfort in, burden out — those at the centre of suffering shouldn't carry it alone.
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 85%
Harrison invokes the circles-of-concern model: when something bad happens, there are concentric circles around the people at the centre — those closest, then their community, then their country, then acquaintances. In times of suffering, the people in the closest circle bear the greatest burden, because the people in outer circles don't take it up. This is her clearest illustration of why the third Old Happy lie is a lie: you cannot witness profound suffering streamed to your phone and expect to feel well, because you are not separate. Real well-being, in her framing, is choosing to bear witness to others' pain and acknowledging that your happiness is dependent on their liberation and freedom. And it justifies joy for those at the centre — they need renewal to keep going, which is only possible if outer circles do their part.
Origin
Harrison raised the model in response to Hala speaking about being Palestinian and struggling to function while watching the destruction in Gaza streamed constantly to her phone while continuing to run a business and teach.
Core principles
- 01Suffering radiates in concentric circles from those most directly harmed outward to acquaintances.
- 02The inner circle bears the greatest burden precisely when outer circles don't take it up.
- 03People in the inner circle need joy and renewal in order to keep helping.
- 04Caring is in the outer circles' self-interest — it's how they get their own well-being.
- 05Closing your eyes to suffering and being happy alone in a bubble is a delusion.
How to run it
- 1
Map the circles
Identify who is at the centre of the suffering — the most deeply harmed — then the people related and connected to them, then their community and country, expanding outward to acquaintances.
- 2
Locate yourself honestly
Work out which ring you occupy. The obligations differ entirely between the centre and the periphery.
- 3
If you're on the outside, take up the burden
What often happens is the closest circle bears the greatest burden because the outer circles don't take it up. Do your part to alleviate it — and recognise that caring is in your self-interest, since it's how you get your own happiness and well-being.
Watch out Some people care and bear a disproportionate load while others don't realise caring would give them what they want.
- 4
If you're at the centre, renew deliberately
Joy is not a betrayal — it's fuel. Go renew yourself, experience joy, love, connection, get what you need, and then come back and help.
Pro tip Hala's version: I need to help as much as I can, which means I need to infuse joy in my life so that I can help.
- 5
Refuse the bubble
Don't close your mind and eyes to tragedy and try to be happy alone in an individualistic bubble. Bear witness, help where you can, and accept that your happiness is dependent on their well-being.
Watch out Harrison calls the bubble a delusion, not a coping strategy.
In the wild
Hala, who is Palestinian, described battling daily between witnessing horrific images and continuing to be an entrepreneur and teach. She said she spent a while just upset before deciding she needed to help as much as she could, which meant infusing joy into her life so she could help.
→ Harrison mapped it onto the circles: of course joy matters for someone in an inner circle — the outer circles need to take up the cause so those at the centre can renew and come back.
Common mistakes
Treating joy at the centre as callousness
People closest to the suffering feel guilty for renewing. Harrison's model says renewal is exactly what enables them to keep helping — the guilt is misplaced.
Outer circles assuming caring costs them
The framework's claim is the opposite: caring is in your self-interest, because it's how you access your own happiness and well-being while helping others.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone navigating collective crisis — communities, leaders, and people close to a suffering person deciding how to show up.
Not ideal for
People looking for a way to feel better about disengaging — the framework's entire thrust is that disengagement is the problem.
From the transcript
“The model of like circles of concern, where if something bad happens to somebody then there are these circles around them of the people closest…”
“What often happens in times of suffering is that the people in the closest circle have to bear the greatest burden because the people in…”
“There are some people who care and they're bearing a disproportionate burden while others don't realize that caring is in their self-interest.”
“My happiness is dependent upon their liberation and their freedom and their self-determination and their ability to be well and healthy and happy.”
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