Dictionary of Defined Terms
Write down what your loaded words actually mean so you never misfire again.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 85%
Dictionary of Defined Terms is a communication practice Lisa and Tom Bilyeu use: they literally define what loaded words mean to both of them and write them down. Because 'important' has an agreed, precise meaning, it's never abused — so when Lisa says something is important, Tom drops everything, mid-task, no questions. The insight is that the same word interpreted loosely produces constant misfires; making the definition explicit and written (not just 'we had a discussion') preserves the word's power and eliminates a whole class of conflict.
Origin
Lisa and Tom noticed that words like 'important' meant different things to each of them, so they built an explicit shared 'dictionary' defining such terms and agreeing exactly how each triggers a response.
Core principles
- 01The same word means different things to different people, causing silent misfires.
- 02Explicitly defining key words gives them shared, agreed weight.
- 03Because the meaning is agreed, you never abuse the word — so it retains its power.
- 04Writing the definition down beats a loose verbal 'we talked about it.'
How to run it
- 1
Spot the loaded words
Identify the intensity words you both use that likely carry different weight to each of you.
Pro tip 'Important' is the classic one — used five times a day, it means nothing.
- 2
Agree the meaning together
Discuss and settle on exactly what each word will mean and what response it triggers for both of you.
- 3
Write it down
Record the definition explicitly rather than relying on a loose verbal understanding.
Pro tip 'Don't do this discussion — actually write it down.'
Watch out A vague 'yeah we talked about it' lets the meaning drift and the word lose power.
- 4
Never abuse the word
Use the term only when you mean the agreed definition, preserving its power to command a real response.
In the wild
Because Lisa and Tom defined 'important,' when Lisa tells Tom something is important he'll leave his shoe in the middle of a shoot and drop everything — the word's agreed meaning triggers an absolute response.
→ They never dilute or misinterpret the word, so it reliably commands full attention when used.
Common mistakes
Leaving key words undefined
Assuming you both mean the same thing by 'important' or 'urgent' produces constant, avoidable misfires.
Defining verbally but not in writing
A loose 'we discussed it' lets the shared meaning erode; only writing it down locks it in.
Is it for you?
Best for
Couples or close collaborators who repeatedly clash over intensity words that mean different things to each.
Not ideal for
Casual or transactional relationships where formalizing vocabulary would be overkill.
From the transcript
“what Tom and I do is we actually have a dictionary of defining terms”
“actually write it down this word means this to both of us”
From the episode
Lisa Bilyeu: How to Cultivate Radical Confidence, Live Authentically, and Become the Hero of Your Own Life
Lisa Bilyeu