The Feet Rule and Curiosity Hook
Read feet to find an open group, then wear something that makes them approach you.
- Difficulty
- Starter
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 86%
Schafer's approach method has two halves. First, reading: in a crowd, look at people's feet rather than their faces. Two people standing toe-to-toe form a closed circle and do not want to be joined. Two people whose feet angle outward leave a gap — a V formation — signalling they accept new people. The rule of thumb: if there's a place to put your feet, it's okay to meet. Step into the gap and simply listen for a while. Second, the hook: wear one distinctive item — a unique hat, a piece of jewelry, a team logo, an unusual accessory. Curiosity is powerful, so people will ask you about it. The result inverts the approach: you never have to extend yourself, because they come to you and open the conversation. Extroverts don't need this; introverts and anyone leery of new people can use it as a complete entry system.
Origin
Extracted from Young and Profiting
Core principles
- 01Groups broadcast their openness through foot position, not words.
- 02If there's a place to put your feet, it's okay to meet.
- 03The best approach is the one where they approach you.
- 04Curiosity is a powerful engine you can point at yourself.
- 05Shy people don't need more courage — they need a better hook.
How to run it
- 1
Scan the crowd's feet
Enter the room and look at foot positions rather than faces. Feet reveal whether a group is accepting additional people into its circle.
Pro tip Schafer discovered this working embassy parties, where he was expected to mingle and extract information.
- 2
Skip closed circles
Two or more people standing toe-to-toe form a closed circle. They do not want to talk with you. Move on without taking it personally.
Pro tip Closed circles reopen — check the same group again later.
Watch out Forcing your way into a toe-to-toe circle guarantees a cold reception.
- 3
Find the V and step into the gap
Look for groups whose feet angle outward leaving a hole in front of them — a V formation. That gap is an invitation. If there's a place to put your feet, it's okay to meet.
Pro tip Step in and just listen for a bit before saying anything.
Watch out Talking immediately on entry marks you as an interrupter rather than a joiner.
- 4
Wear a curiosity hook
Wear one genuinely unique item — a cool hat, distinctive jewelry, a sports team logo, an unusual accessory. It needs to be noticeable enough to prompt a question.
Pro tip Pick something you can actually talk about — the hook has to lead somewhere.
Watch out Too many hooks reads as costume; one is enough.
- 5
Let them approach you
Once you're standing in the group listening, someone will look at you, notice the item, and ask. Now they've approached you — you never had to extend yourself.
Pro tip Answer briefly, then use the answer to find common ground and hand the floor back with an empathic statement.
In the wild
Schafer was regularly sent to embassy parties and asked to mingle with people in order to get information from them. Faced with large crowds of strangers, he discovered that foot position told him which circles would accept him. Toe-to-toe pairs were closed; feet angled outward with a gap in front were open. He simply read the feet and stepped into the openings.
→ A reliable read on who would accept an approach in a room full of strangers, before saying a word.
A shy person heading to a networking event wears a distinctive hat. On arrival they scan for feet, find a group of three with an opening, step into the gap, and listen. Within minutes someone glances over, notices the hat, and asks about it. The conversation opens without the attendee ever having to initiate.
→ An introvert enters a conversation without making the first move.
Common mistakes
Reading faces instead of feet
Faces are managed; feet are not. A polite smile from a toe-to-toe pair tells you nothing about whether you're welcome.
Talking the moment you step in
The gap is permission to stand there, not permission to take the floor. Listening first is what makes the entry work.
Wearing a hook you can't discuss
A curiosity hook that prompts a question you can't answer interestingly stalls the conversation it was meant to start.
Is it for you?
Best for
Introverts and anyone who dreads cold-opening a conversation at events.
Not ideal for
Seated dinners or one-on-one meetings where there are no standing groups to read.
From the transcript
“the rule of thumb is if there's a place to put your feet it's okay to meet”
“if you're wearing something that's kind of unique... people say oh that's interesting so now what are they doing they're approaching you actually so you…”
From the episode
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