Friend Tours Over Mentors
Build a personal board of peers who'll tell you you're not showing up — not cheerleaders who just clap.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 80%
Friend Tours Over Mentors is Wells' relationship framework from the inspiration phase. Rather than collecting contacts, you cultivate a network authentically and categorize relationships by the energy each deserves — because you can't genuinely be best friends with everyone. Her biggest life changes came not from mentors but from a group of peers who understood exactly where she was and held her accountable. When socializing a new idea you deliberately take it to these friend tours, not to cheerleaders who only tell you you're amazing. She pairs this with the idea of a personal board of directors.
Origin
Wells observed that her biggest elevations came through peer groups who understood her stage and held her accountable, while cheerleaders would have simply validated whatever she wanted. She distilled this into the inspiration phase of her book, arguing that at certain life stages friend tours matter more than mentors.
Core principles
- 01Cultivate your network authentically, not by collecting people and business cards.
- 02Categorize relationships by the energy they deserve — you can't call everyone your best friend.
- 03Peers who understand your exact stage drive bigger life changes than distant mentors.
- 04Take ideas to accountability partners, not cheerleaders who only validate you.
- 05Build a personal board of directors and friend tours to hold you accountable.
How to run it
- 1
Categorize your relationships
Sort relationships by how much energy they should receive, and be honest that not everyone can be a best friend with the commitments that implies.
Pro tip Every relationship you engage in requires a commitment to nurture it — choose deliberately.
Watch out Calling everyone your best friend dilutes the term and overextends your energy.
- 2
Assemble friend tours and a personal board
Identify the peers who understand your current stage and can hold you accountable, and treat them as a personal board of directors for big moves.
Pro tip Peers at your exact stage give more useful accountability than distant mentors.
- 3
Socialize ideas with accountability, not applause
When you bring a new idea forward, take it to the friend tours who will challenge you rather than cheerleaders who only validate.
Pro tip Ask them whether you're showing up as the best you can and doing the thing only you can do.
Watch out Cheerleaders feel good but can steer you into the wrong decision.
In the wild
Wells notes there were moments where going to cheerleaders would have gotten her a 'you're amazing, do it' — but her peers and friend tours instead told her she wasn't doing the thing only she could do, or wasn't showing up her best.
→ The honest feedback pushed her toward her biggest life changes.
Common mistakes
Collecting people instead of nurturing relationships
Treating networking as accumulating business cards produces shallow ties that can't hold you accountable.
Bringing big decisions to cheerleaders
Validators reinforce what you already want and won't flag when you're avoiding the real work.
Is it for you?
Best for
Mid-career founders who need honest accountability, not applause, to make big changes.
Not ideal for
Situations needing expert domain guidance a peer group can't provide.
From the transcript
“I talk about why you need friend tours more than mentors especially at this life stage”
“if I had gone to people who I call cheerleaders they might have said you're amazing do this thing versus going to my peers... who…”
From the episode
Tina Wells: The Elevation Approach, How to Achieve Work-Life Harmony While Still Crushing Your Goals
Tina Wells