Give-Value-First Networking (Make Others Feel Seen)
The number one way to be seen is to make other people feel seen.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 85%
Give-Value-First Networking flips old-school networking on its head. Instead of walking into a room asking how to look impressive and extract value — which signals desperation and repels people — you focus entirely on listening, being interested, and figuring out how to help. Because people love talking about themselves and the law of reciprocity is real, they walk away thinking you're the most interesting person there. The magic is in creative follow-up: reference a specific detail from the conversation and add value, or send a flattering selfie from the event. The core insight: the number one way to be seen is to make others feel seen.
Origin
Gottlieb built Super Connector Media and much of her media network on relationships, and dedicates a full chapter of Be Seen to reversing old-school networking after seeing that value-first connection consistently outperformed self-promotion.
Core principles
- 01Desperation attracts more desperation and repels people.
- 02People's favorite topic is themselves — let them talk and they'll find you fascinating.
- 03The law of reciprocity rewards giving value before asking.
- 04Creative, specific follow-up beats a generic 'let's grab coffee'.
How to run it
- 1
Flip the intention
Walk into any networking situation focused on listening, being interested in people, and figuring out how to help them — not on making yourself look amazing or selling yourself.
Watch out Going in to extract value and impress signals desperation, which attracts more desperation and repels people.
- 2
Let them talk
Ask questions and let the other person talk about themselves — their favorite topic. They'll feel seen and walk away thinking you're the most interesting person in the room.
Pro tip Ask 'what do you need, how can I help, what's interesting about you?' and genuinely listen for details.
- 3
Follow up with specific value
Instead of a generic 'great meeting you, let's get coffee,' reference a specific detail from the conversation and offer real value — a restaurant recommendation, an introduction, a resource.
Pro tip Try the selfie game: send a flattering photo from the event with a warm note about the conversation to be memorable and make them feel seen.
In the wild
Rather than 'it was great meeting you, want to grab coffee,' Gottlieb follows up by referencing the exact conversation — the person's kids, a sushi restaurant they mentioned — and offers a New York recommendation and an open invitation to take them there.
→ The specific, value-first follow-up makes the contact feel genuinely seen and remembered, deepening the relationship.
Common mistakes
Networking to extract and impress
Entering a room asking how to get things and look amazing broadcasts desperation, which repels the very people you want to connect with.
Generic follow-up
A bland 'let's grab coffee' is forgettable; without a specific detail and added value, the connection fades.
Is it for you?
Best for
Founders and professionals who want to build genuine, opportunity-generating relationships at events and online.
Not ideal for
Transactional one-off interactions where no ongoing relationship is possible or desired.
From the transcript
“desperation attracts more desperation right and actually repels people you want to flip that around”
“there's something called the law of reciprocity it is a law and people love to talk about themselves”
“the number one way to be seen is to make other people feel seen”
From the episode
Jen Gottlieb: Stand Out and Be Seen, How to Build A Personal Brand From Scratch
Jen Gottlieb