Givers Gain Networking
Put three gives in for every ask, and never make an intro that's really a favor for the seller.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 85%
Glazer credits his networking DNA to Keith Ferrazzi's Never Eat Alone and Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People — a title he calls cheesy and advice he calls deep. The operating rule is a ratio: for every one thing he needs from his network, he puts about three gives in. He connects with people when there's no agenda, listens for opportunities, and takes the time to write a genuinely good introduction. His sharpest distinction is on referrals: an introduction where one party wants to sell something to the other isn't a helpful connection, it's a favor to the seller dressed up as networking. A real intro is one both sides want — 'this podcast just got dumped by LinkedIn and is looking for a new home' sent to someone who runs a podcast network. The payoff is deferred: when you launch a book and have to call in every favor from the last ten years, people help you if you've helped them.
Origin
Glazer traces the approach to Keith Ferrazzi's Never Eat Alone, and also tries to get his friends' kids to read Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. He describes the common failure he and Hala both see: hearing from someone you haven't spoken to in nine years who wants to 'catch up' because they need a job.
Core principles
- 01Aim for mutually beneficial outcomes for other people, not extraction.
- 02Roughly three gives into the network for every one thing you need from it.
- 03Connect with no agenda and listen for opportunities — the opportunity finds you.
- 04A referral where one party is selling to the other isn't networking, it's a favor for the seller.
- 05Take the time to write a good introduction; a lazy intro is worse than none.
- 06When you launch something and have to call in every favor from ten years, people help you if you've helped them.
How to run it
- 1
Set the give-to-ask ratio
For every one thing you need from your network, put in roughly three gives. Track it loosely but honestly.
- 2
Connect with no agenda
Talk to people when you want nothing. This is what makes the later ask legible as an exception rather than the pattern.
Watch out The person who resurfaces after nine years wanting to 'catch up' because they need a job is the anti-pattern everyone recognizes.
- 3
Listen for opportunities
Always be listening for a match: someone says 'I'm looking for a lawyer' and you know that lawyer; someone says 'LinkedIn just dumped our podcast' and you know a podcast network.
- 4
Apply the seller test before any intro
Ask whether one party is trying to sell something to the other. If so, it isn't a connection — it's a favor for the seller that spends your credibility with the buyer.
Pro tip 'Steve really wanted to talk to you' and Steve is selling something = you just did Steve a favor at your own expense.
- 5
Write the introduction properly
When someone needs something, take the time to write a good introduction rather than a perfunctory one.
- 6
Let it compound and then call it in
The return arrives years later, all at once, at the moment you need it — a launch where you call in every favor from the last decade.
In the wild
When someone told Glazer 'LinkedIn just dumped us from our podcast,' he knew Hala runs a podcast network and that a show looking for a new home is something she'd want to hear about. Neither party was selling anything to the other.
→ A genuinely mutual introduction — both sides want the conversation, which is what separates it from a favor for a seller.
Launching The Compass Within meant calling in every favor Glazer had accumulated over the previous ten years of introductions and gives.
→ People helped him, because he'd helped them — the deferred payout on a decade of three-to-one giving.
Common mistakes
Surfacing only when you need something
Hearing from someone after nine years who wants to 'catch up' because they need a job is how most people use a network — and it's why their network doesn't respond.
Making intros that are favors for the seller
Connecting someone who wants to sell to someone who doesn't want to buy isn't networking. It spends your credibility with the buyer to do the seller a favor.
Sending lazy introductions
Glazer specifically takes the time to write a good introduction. A perfunctory handoff signals you don't actually think the connection matters.
Is it for you?
Best for
Entrepreneurs who want to become the node of their network and have long-horizon asks (a book launch, a fundraise) coming eventually.
Not ideal for
Anyone needing something immediately — the mechanism only pays out on deposits made years earlier.
From the transcript
“For one thing I need from my network, I probably put three gives into it.”
“A lot of people make referrals with someone trying to sell something to the other person. That's not a helpful networking thing. That's doing a…”
“When you launch a book and you have to call in every favor you've ever had for the last 10 years, people will help you…”
From the episode
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Robert Glazer