The Insta-Joneses Antidote
You're not getting any of their million dollars — you're just spectating.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 83%
Sokunbi's response to the 'Insta-Joneses' problem is a chain of demotions rather than a discipline rule. First, epistemic: it may not always be what it seems, and you don't know what you don't know — some people with everything are depressed, and others are on their way to a bankruptcy declaration because they're poor stewards of the money. Second, functional: watching gives you nothing — 'you're not getting any of their million dollars, you're not getting any of their limelight, you're just spectating.' Third, economic: the thing spectating costs you is time, which she names as your single most valuable asset because it's the only one you can't get more of. She then re-poses the question productively — if you do want that level, what are you going to do with your time and health to get there? — and permits partial extraction: take the style inspiration, then come back to your own why.
Origin
Asked by Hala Taha how millennials can stop comparing themselves to Instagram stars whose lives are 'a lot of smoke and mirrors', Sokunbi laid out the demotion chain she uses with her Clever Girl Finance audience.
Core principles
- 01What you see is not what it is — some people with a ton of money are depressed, and some are heading for bankruptcy.
- 02Watching them does not move you closer to what they have.
- 03Time is your most valuable asset: you can get more of everything else, but not more time.
- 04Health is second — healthy you can do anything, unhealthy you can do little.
- 05'I want to be like [celebrity]' is not a goal, because you don't know what their life actually is.
- 06Extraction is allowed: take the style or makeup inspiration, then return to your own why.
How to run it
- 1
Assume you don't know
Start from the epistemic gap: it may not always be what it seems, and the grass is not always greener. Some people have a ton of money and they're depressed. Others are the subjects of the bankruptcy stories you see all the time, because having things and being a good steward of money are different.
- 2
Ask what the watching did for you
Sokunbi's blunt audit: they're just showing you something, not giving you anything. You're not getting any of their million dollars or their limelight. You're just spectating — and what does that do for you? It wastes your time.
- 3
Price it in time and health
Register the cost against your two irreplaceable assets. Time is the most valuable asset in your life — you can get more money, more clothes, more of everything, but you don't get more time. Health is second, because when you're healthy you can do anything.
Pro tip Reframing scroll time as spending your scarcest asset is the step that actually changes behavior.
- 4
Re-pose the question productively
If you genuinely want what they appear to have, ask: what are you going to do to get yourself to that level? How will you capitalize on your time and health to get closer? Watching them does not help you get any closer to where they are.
- 5
Refuse the imitation goal
Never set a goal of the form 'I want to save money because I want to be like [celebrity].' Sokunbi: that's not a goal. You don't know what's happening with them, what emotions they experience, or what pressure they feel. Do you really want a life you don't know about?
Watch out The imitation goal fails the why test — it isn't yours, so it won't compel action.
- 6
Extract, then return to your why
Sokunbi permits salvage: it's nice to look at their nice clothes, and maybe you can get some style inspiration or some hair and makeup inspiration. Once you've done all of that, come back to your own why.
In the wild
Sokunbi takes the concrete case: 'you should never have a goal that is I want to save money cuz I want to be like Kim Kardashian. That's not a goal.' Her reasoning isn't disapproval — she notes there's nothing wrong with her — it's that you don't know what's happening, what emotions she experiences, or what pressure she feels.
→ The goal is disqualified on epistemic grounds: you can't rationally want a life you only see from the outside.
Sokunbi points at the recurring news pattern — 'you see stories all the time of so-and-so declaring bankruptcy.' They had all the things, but weren't necessarily good stewards of their money, which is what led to the declaration.
→ The visible lifestyle is exposed as uncorrelated with the underlying balance sheet, undermining the premise of the comparison.
Common mistakes
Believing the feed is the balance sheet
People assume visible consumption implies wealth. Sokunbi's counter is that a lot of the people you're looking at actually don't have this money — poor stewardship is what produces both the display and, eventually, the bankruptcy.
Spectating as a substitute for acting
Watching feels like engagement with the goal but moves you zero distance toward it, while consuming the one asset you can never replace. If you want that level, the only question that matters is what you're going to do.
Chasing an external timeline
'I need to be married, I need to have kids, I need to floss on Instagram.' Sokunbi's test — is that what you really want? — because if it isn't, you won't take the actions anyway; you're just trying to keep up appearances and please other people.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone whose feed reliably leaves them feeling behind and reaching for their card.
Not ideal for
People who use social media purely professionally with no comparison response.
From the transcript
“They're just showing you something, not giving you anything. You're not getting any of their million dollars, you're not getting any of their limelight. Like…”
“Your time is your most valuable asset in your life because with everything, you can get more money, you can get more clothes, you can…”
“Watching them does not help you get any closer to where they are if that's what you want.”
“It's nice to look at their nice clothes. Maybe you can get some style inspiration or some hair and makeup inspiration. Once you've done all…”
From the episode
Bola Sokunbi: Getting in the Right Mindset to Attract Money
Bola Sokunbi