Life as an RPG
Turn setbacks into repeatable attempts at the next level
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 95%
Treat life like a role-playing game in which each difficult period is a level, each setback reveals a capability gap, and each new attempt develops the character. A boss defeating you does not end the game; it creates a feedback loop of trying, observing, upgrading, and trying again. The model also redirects the desire for visible progression from a virtual avatar toward the real person. Instead of interpreting anxiety, rejection, or failure as a fixed identity, step outside the moment and ask what skill, equipment, perspective, or repetition would improve the next attempt. The output is not instant victory but a more resilient player whose capacity grows across levels.
Origin
Mark Metry developed the model from growing up with video games as his main outlet and later recognizing that their progression and retry loops could make real-life growth easier to understand.
Core principles
- 01Failure is feedback from the current level, not a final verdict
- 02Repeated attempts build the capability needed for harder challenges
- 03Real-life growth deserves the attention often reserved for virtual progress
How to run it
- 1
Define the level
Describe the current challenge as a specific level with a clear obstacle rather than as a judgment about who you are.
Pro tip Give the level a short name so you can discuss it without reliving its full emotional weight.
Watch out Do not trivialize trauma or genuine danger by calling it merely a game.
- 2
Read the defeat
After a setback, identify what the attempt revealed about your preparation, behavior, or environment.
Pro tip Separate what happened from what your mind says other people think about you.
Watch out Do not turn feedback into another form of self-attack.
- 3
Choose an upgrade
Select one skill, habit, tool, relationship, or perspective that improves your odds on the next attempt.
Pro tip Prefer the smallest upgrade you can test immediately.
- 4
Retry the level
Return to the challenge and test the upgrade, expecting repetition rather than a flawless performance.
Pro tip Measure progress by better attempts, not only by whether you beat the boss.
Watch out Persistence without learning is repetition, not progression.
- 5
Carry the experience forward
Record what worked and treat the capability gained as part of your character for the next level.
In the wild
A nervous speaker treats each conversation as another attempt at the same level. After noticing that unplanned openings cause panic, they prepare one question, practise it, and retry at the next event. The anxiety remains, but each attempt becomes more manageable and supplies another upgrade.
→ The speaker builds evidence that anxious thoughts do not have to control behavior.
Common mistakes
Expecting one-attempt victories
The model depends on retries. Treating the first failure as the result removes the learning loop that makes it useful.
Upgrading only the virtual character
Visible progress in a game can become avoidance if no attention is redirected toward real-life skills and experiences.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for people who understand games intuitively and need emotional distance from a difficult challenge.
Not ideal for
It is not ideal for situations where persistence would ignore serious harm, hard limits, or a need to stop.
From the transcript
“you go through a level and you're going and you might make it but then the boss of that level comes and you just destroys…”
“all this growth is being directed towards a video game but if you step back and you actually realize that real life is way better…”
From the episode
Mark Metry: Transform From The Inside Out
Mark Metry