Your Mess Is Your Message (The Lean-In Story)
The story you're embarrassed by is the one that makes you stand out.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 90%
Your Mess Is Your Message reframes the parts of your story you'd rather hide as the very thing that makes you memorable. Gottlieb calls the compelling one the 'lean-in story' — the tale that makes people at a party lean in versus 'meerkat' (glance over your shoulder for someone more interesting). The message doesn't have to relate to what you do now; often your messiest, most unlikely origin is what separates you from everyone else in your field. And because audiences hear the same story differently at different life moments, you retell it forever — it's content that keeps giving.
Origin
Gottlieb discovered this when transitioning from VH1 heavy-metal host to fitness expert: a TV host booked her precisely because of that unlikely journey, not despite it, teaching her that the story she was embarrassed by was her differentiator.
Core principles
- 01Your unusual origin differentiates you from everyone doing the same work.
- 02People lean in to realness and relatability, not to polished perfection.
- 03We're too close to our own stories to judge which parts resonate.
- 04A great story is content forever — retell it endlessly in new forms.
How to run it
- 1
Find your lean-in story
Identify the story that makes people lean in and engage — the one that gets asked about at a party — versus the flat story where attention drifts. Test it live and read the listener's body language.
Pro tip Watch for the 'meerkat': if the listener starts glancing over your shoulder for someone better to talk to, that story won't earn media or engagement either.
Watch out You're too close to your own story to judge it; the part you think is most impressive often isn't the part that resonates.
- 2
Mine the messy and off-topic
Look specifically at the embarrassing, unusual, or seemingly-irrelevant parts of your past — the chapters you'd rather not discuss. Those are usually the differentiators that separate you from everyone doing the same work.
Pro tip Ask 'what part of my start is really different?' — your beginning is often your best story.
- 3
Lead with it, then retell forever
Use your differentiating story to open pitches and content, then retell it repeatedly in new formats — a different reel, photo, or article — because new people keep arriving and existing audiences hear it differently at different life stages.
Pro tip Don't retire a story because you're bored of it; audiences don't remember it the way you do, and it lands differently each time.
In the wild
Gottlieb showed up in workout gear expecting to do squats on a TV segment as a new fitness expert, only to find the host in a white dress and heels. Mortified, she wanted to leave — until she realized the host had booked her specifically to tell the story of going from VH1 heavy-metal host and Broadway actress to fitness instructor.
→ The 'off-brand' heavy-metal past became the hook that made her stand out in the fitness space, proving her mess was her message.
A woman told Gottlieb she had heard the exact same keynote story four times, and this time it hit differently because of where she was in her own life.
→ Demonstrates why the same story is content forever — it resonates anew as the audience's circumstances change.
Common mistakes
Burying the differentiating story as irrelevant
People skip their most unusual past because it 'has nothing to do with what I do now,' discarding the exact thing that would make them stand out.
Refusing to repeat a story
Assuming everyone has already heard it, brands retire their best story too early — but new audiences arrive constantly and old ones hear it freshly at different moments.
Is it for you?
Best for
Personal brands and experts who need a distinct angle to get media attention and audience engagement.
Not ideal for
People unwilling to be vulnerable or share anything personal about their past.
From the transcript
“your mess as your message where you came from how you got here”
“that not paying attention thing I call that the mircat... if someone starts doing that with you maybe that's not a leanin story”
“tell your story over and over and over again it is content forever tell it in different ways”
From the episode
Jen Gottlieb: Stand Out and Be Seen, How to Build A Personal Brand From Scratch
Jen Gottlieb