Networking Mise en Place
Pre-chop your themes and stories so you can just assemble in the moment.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 87%
Abrahams argues you can prepare to be spontaneous by doing the pre-work a restaurant kitchen does before a rush: everything pre-chopped so you just assemble. Before networking, research who will be there, decide two or three themes you want to convey, and stockpile specific support — stories, data, past conversations — for each. Then in the moment you connect points to your themes and pull in examples rather than originating from scratch. Start conversations with a question or observation, and exit with Rachel Greenwald's 'white flag' technique.
Origin
Abrahams builds this from the athlete-drills analogy for preparing spontaneity, plus the 'white flag' exit technique he learned from podcast guest Rachel Greenwald.
Core principles
- 01You can prepare to be spontaneous, like an athlete drilling for an agile game.
- 02Research who will be there so you can focus your content.
- 03Prepare themes and stockpile specific supporting material for each.
- 04Have a graceful, pre-signaled way to exit a conversation.
How to run it
- 1
Do reconnaissance
Research the people who will be in the space, room, or Zoom so you can focus your content on them.
- 2
Choose two or three themes
Decide in advance the key ideas or opinions you want to get across during the event.
- 3
Stockpile supporting material
Gather specific support for each theme — a story, some data, or a conversation you had — ready to pull in.
Pro tip Like a restaurant kitchen at peak time, have everything pre-chopped so you're just assembling, not originating in the moment.
- 4
Open with a question or observation
Start small talk by asking a question or commenting on something in the environment.
Pro tip Abrahams made a lasting friend at a conference simply by observing 'I didn't get the memo on wearing blue.'
- 5
Exit with the white flag
Signal you'll leave in a few minutes, then dive in for one more question before you go.
Pro tip The white flag comes from auto racing — waved right before the race ends — so the other person isn't caught off guard by your exit.
Watch out Don't rely on biology excuses like being hungry or needing the bathroom; they feel awkward and abrupt.
In the wild
Abrahams likens networking prep to a busy restaurant kitchen where everything is pre-chopped and pre-sautéed so cooks just assemble during the rush. With themes and support prepared, you connect an incoming point to a theme and pull in a ready example.
→ You feel calmer and more agile because you're assembling prepared material rather than originating everything on the spot.
Standing in line at a conference where he knew no one, Abrahams noticed many people wore blue and said to a stranger, 'I didn't get the memo on wearing blue.' The man looked around, agreed, and a conversation began.
→ A simple observation started a lasting friendship, showing how low the bar is to open small talk.
Common mistakes
Treating networking as pure improvisation
Without prepared themes and stockpiled support, you're forced to originate everything in the moment, which raises pressure and causes rambling.
Exiting with a biology excuse
Ending a conversation by claiming hunger, thirst, or a bathroom trip is awkward; the white flag exit is smoother because it signals the ending in advance.
Is it for you?
Best for
Entrepreneurs and professionals who attend conferences, mixers, and networking events.
Not ideal for
Deep one-on-one relationships where scripted themes would feel transactional.
From the transcript
“We can prepare to be spontaneous, and that sounds counterintuitive, but it really is true.”
“She calls it the white flag, not for surrender, but in auto racing, the white flag is what you wave right before you end the…”
From the episode
Matt Abrahams: Spontaneous Speaking for Entrepreneurs, How to Communicate Confidently On the Spot
Matt Abrahams