The Opposite of Success Is Not Trying
Success and failure aren't opposites — they're both results of the same act.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 85%
Banayan's closing lesson after 12 years of studying success. He admits he personally gets caught in the loop — am I succeeding, am I failing, am I succeeding, am I failing. The biggest thing he learned is that these aren't opposites at all; they're two sides of the same coin, and both are the result of the same act: trying. So the opposite of success isn't failure, it's not trying. His wish is that you unattach from success, unattach from failure, and commit instead to trying and growing. He pairs this with a warning about chasing metrics: if you're chasing a salary or a bank balance, the goalpost will keep moving, and without clarity on what you want and why, you're in for a life of chasing things that don't satisfy.
Origin
Banayan's own summary conclusion from twelve years of studying success and interviewing Bill Gates, Maya Angelou, Lady Gaga, Pitbull, and dozens of others for The Third Door — offered as his final thought on the episode.
Core principles
- 01Success and failure are different sides of the same coin.
- 02Both are the result of the same thing: trying.
- 03The true opposite of success is not failure — it's not trying.
- 04Unattach from success and unattach from failure alike.
- 05Commit to trying and growing instead of to outcomes.
- 06If you're chasing a number, the goalpost will keep moving.
How to run it
- 1
Catch the binary
Notice when your inner monologue is running the succeeding-or-failing loop. Banayan says he gets caught in it himself, constantly.
- 2
Collapse the opposition
Recognise that the outcome you're dreading and the outcome you want are produced by the same act. They're the same coin, different faces.
- 3
Relocate the real opposite
The thing actually opposed to success is not trying. That's the only outcome that guarantees nothing.
- 4
Unattach from both faces
Let go of your grip on winning and on losing. Attachment to success is as costly as fear of failure.
- 5
Get clear on what and why
Know exactly what you're trying to do and why. Chasing a salary or a bank balance means the goalpost keeps moving no matter what you hit.
Pro tip Banayan's test for profiting in life: 'know exactly what you're trying to do and why you're trying to do it.'
Watch out Without the why, hitting the number just relocates the number.
- 6
Commit to trying and growing
Make trying itself the commitment. That's the only variable fully under your control and the one that produces both faces of the coin.
In the wild
Banayan asked Maya Angelou, almost selfishly, what to do when you're stuck in the storm. She told him to write it down: every storm runs out of rain. Then she added, that's really important, you just have to get to work. Her final advice to the next generation was to get out of the box, try Taoism, read Cesar Chavez, King, Mandela — not everything will work, but try it and see what does.
→ Her closing line to him, a year before she died, was 'life is short no matter how long you live — get to work.' Perspective plus action, not outcome-monitoring.
The media compresses Gates into 'dropout becomes richest man'. The reality in his biography: he took one semester off to see if Microsoft would get momentum, it didn't, and he went back to school. He tried again, took another semester off, and then it picked up.
→ Nobody talks about the return to school because it reads as failure — but it was just the same act of trying, producing the other face of the coin.
Common mistakes
Compressing a decade into a highlight reel
Tweets and TikToks compress years into 60 seconds, so people expect a tipping point in real time. Banayan's point: a tipping point is only available in hindsight, and it's fine that it isn't happening overnight.
Chasing a number instead of a why
If you're chasing a salary or a bank balance, the goalpost moves the moment you arrive. Without clarity on what you want and why, you're in for a life of chasing things that don't satisfy.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone stuck in a career crisis, paralysed by fear of failure, or in the trenches of a long project with no visible tipping point.
Not ideal for
Contexts requiring hard-nosed outcome accountability where 'we tried' cannot substitute for a result.
From the transcript
“success and fail are not opposites they're different sides of the same coin they're both a result of the same thing they're both a result…”
“if i have one wish for everyone listening it's that you unattach yourself from success and you unattach yourself from failure and say commit yourself…”
“every single person who achieved their dream normally didn't take some reckless leap they took one courageous step after another”
From the episode
Alex Banayan: Unlocking The Third Door To Your Success
Alex Banayan