Relational Gratitude
Gratitude done right is remembering who helped you, and how badly you undercount them.
- Difficulty
- Starter
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 88%
Harrison calls this her little spin on gratitude: at its heart, gratitude is realising that good things happen to you because of other people. The problem is negativity bias — she finds it much easier to recall the times she didn't get help than the times she did, even though the latter vastly outnumber the former. The correction is to deliberately ask who helped: the mentor who showed up, the boss who taught you a skill, the friend who checked in on a hard day. Noticing them fills you with love, gratitude, and hope, which in turn makes you want to give more, feeding a virtuous cycle of giving and receiving. The practice is designed to fit tiny slots — Hala runs it before getting out of bed and again as a standing opener in every company meeting.
Origin
Harrison developed this as her own variation on standard gratitude practice, built around the observation that her brain's negativity bias systematically mis-weighted her memory of who had helped her.
Core principles
- 01Good things happen to you because of other people.
- 02Negativity bias makes it easier to recall the help you didn't get than the help you did.
- 03The times you got help vastly outnumber the times you didn't.
- 04Noticing help produces love, gratitude, and hope — which drive more giving.
- 05It fits in tiny slots: before you get out of bed, or at the top of a meeting.
How to run it
- 1
Ask who, not what
Instead of listing things you're grateful for, take a moment and ask who helped me. Gratitude is fundamentally the recognition that good things happened because of other people.
Pro tip Harrison notes that when Hala lists three gratitudes, they're almost always people.
- 2
Correct for negativity bias
Notice that recalling the times you weren't helped is easier than recalling the times you were — and that the help you received way, way outnumbers the help you didn't.
Watch out Left uncorrected, the bias produces a false sense that you've been doing it alone.
- 3
Name specific people and moments
Recall the mentor who showed up, the boss who helped you learn a skill, the friend who checked in on a hard day. Opening your eyes to these specific moments is what produces the feeling.
- 4
Embed it in a fixed slot
Put the pulse check somewhere it can't be skipped — before you get out of bed, or as the opening ritual of every meeting. Little moments of connectedness are all it takes.
Pro tip Meeting version: one word on how you're feeling, what you're grateful for, and your personal high or recognition.
In the wild
Hala took a practice from a previous guest, Michael Gervais: before removing the covers, think of three things you're grateful for, then visualise the one thing you want to get done today, then get out of bed.
→ She runs it almost every day, and found that what she's grateful for is almost always people — Harrison called it a beautiful nudge fitted into an existing moment.
Hala embedded the same practice into her company: every meeting starts with one word on how you're feeling, what you're grateful for, and your personal high or recognition.
→ Harrison praised it as powerful — the little pulse checks of connectedness, immersed into the working day rather than bolted on.
Common mistakes
Listing things instead of people
Generic gratitude lists miss the mechanism. The point is recognising that the good came through other people, which is what dissolves the separation lie.
Trusting your unaided recall
Negativity bias means your default memory over-weights the moments help didn't come. The practice only works if you actively push against that.
Is it for you?
Best for
Individuals wanting a 90-second daily practice, and leaders wanting to embed connectedness into team meetings.
Not ideal for
Anyone using gratitude to suppress genuine grievance — Harrison is explicit that difficult emotions must be honoured, not overwritten.
From the transcript
“At the heart gratitude is about realizing that good things happen to you because of other people.”
“Because of my brain's negativity bias, I have a much easier time thinking about the times that I didn't get help versus the times that…”
“He had this 90 second rule... he thinks of three things that he's grateful for, then he visualizes the one thing he wants to get…”
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