Rigid Mindset vs Relaxed Mindset
Rigid believes you're in more control than you are; relaxed lets life happen.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 85%
Rigid thinking is one of the five negative FORCE elements, and Bayer breaks it out as a mindset in its own right. It shows up as right-fighting — the thing you see constantly in politics, where my thought is right and I'll fight you about it — and as treating anyone whose belief differs from yours as bad, despite people being different and complex. He splits the type-A label in two: type A relaxed helps people get organised and efficient, while type A rigid insists this is the only way and this is the time and you must do it this way. The core distinction is about control: a relaxed mindset allows life to happen, whereas rigid believes we're in more control than we actually are. Relaxed feels better, and it protects your relationships.
Origin
Rigid thinking is the R in Bayer's FORCE acronym, drawn from CBT's cognitive distortions, but he expanded it into a standalone mindset contrast after seeing it dominate two arenas — contemporary politics, where right-fighting is constant, and workplace descriptions of bosses, where 'I'm just really type A' was doing double duty for two very different behaviours.
Core principles
- 01Rigid thinking shows up as right-fighting: my thought is right, and I'll fight you over it.
- 02Rigidity treats a single differing belief as evidence that the person is bad — when people are all different and complex.
- 03Type A isn't one thing: type A relaxed organises and makes efficient; type A rigid insists there's only one way and one time.
- 04A relaxed mindset allows life to happen; rigid believes we're in more control than we actually are.
- 05Rigidity costs you relationships — nobody wants someone unable to compromise or see alternatives.
How to run it
- 1
Spot right-fighting
Notice when you're fighting to be right rather than to find what's true. It's the dominant pattern in politics today — my thought is right, and the argument is about winning.
- 2
Check for belief-based write-offs
Ask whether one belief that isn't in alignment with your own has made you decide someone is bad. We're all so different and complex — that judgement is the rigidity, not a standard.
- 3
Split your type A
If you or your boss identifies as type A, determine which kind. Type A relaxed helps people get organised and efficient. Type A rigid says this is the only way to do it, I said this, this is the time, you must do it this way.
Pro tip The label is often used as cover — naming the rigid variant removes the cover.
- 4
Audit your control claim
Rigid believes we're in more control than we actually are. Ask what you're genuinely controlling versus what you're just insisting on.
- 5
Let life happen
Adopt the relaxed posture: the universe is going to decide, it's not that serious, and it won't matter a year from now.
Pro tip Use the one-year test as a fast de-escalation for anything you're gripping.
Watch out Relaxed is not indifference — it's releasing control you never had, not abandoning the outcome.
In the wild
Bayer contrasts the type A who helps a team get genuinely organised and efficient with the type A who insists there's one correct method, one correct time, and no deviation — both people describe themselves with the same label.
→ Separating the two reveals that the second isn't a high standard, it's a rigid mindset claiming more control than exists — and it's the one that costs relationships.
Common mistakes
Mistaking rigidity for conviction
Right-fighting feels like having principles, but it's a distortion — you're defending the position rather than examining it, and the relationship pays for it.
Using 'I'm type A' as cover
The label conflates efficient organisation with 'this is the only way to do it'. One helps the team; the other just asserts control.
Is it for you?
Best for
High-control operators, type-A leaders, and anyone who notices themselves right-fighting or writing people off over single disagreements.
Not ideal for
Contexts genuinely demanding rigid procedure (safety-critical work), where 'let life happen' is the wrong instinct.
From the transcript
“a rigid mindset is kind of like you see this with people who are right fighting you'll see this a ton in politics today or…”
“there's type a relaxed which is like helping someone really get organized and efficient and then there's type a rigid which is like this is…”
“a relaxed mindset allows life to happen ridgid believes we're in more control than we actually are”
From the episode
Coach Mike Bayer: One Decision To a Better Life
Coach Mike Bayer