Standards 2.0
A standard backed by a lived experience is unbreakable; a borrowed one isn't.
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 85%
Kenny separates standards into two tiers. Standards 1.0 are theoretical — the ones you borrow from TikTok, your parents, or things that simply sound good on paper. Standards 2.0 are forged from your own painful experiences: 'I lived through this, here is why I believe this standard.' A standard with that lived backing is essentially unbreakable, so when you look in the mirror and wonder if you are being too needy or too picky, you can point to the past that validates it. Without mining your past this way, you are left floating on theoretical standards that don't hold up under self-doubt.
Origin
Fielding the recurring worry 'I don't want to be too picky,' Kenny developed the 1.0 vs 2.0 distinction to help people test whether a standard is genuinely theirs, rooting the strong ones in the contrast supplied by their own breakups and losses.
Core principles
- 01Standards 1.0 are theoretical — borrowed from TikTok, parents, or what sounds good on paper.
- 02Standards 2.0 come from your own painful past experiences.
- 03A standard validated by your past is a non-negotiable you cannot be talked out of.
- 04Contrast from past pain is the source of clarity in the present.
How to run it
- 1
State the standard
Write down the standard or boundary you are questioning, e.g. a need in a relationship.
- 2
Classify it 1.0 or 2.0
Decide whether it is theoretical (borrowed from others, sounds good on paper) or drawn from something you actually lived through.
Pro tip Just because someone said something is right for them doesn't make it right for you.
- 3
Anchor it in the past
For a 2.0 standard, name the past painful experience that produced it and treat that as validation.
Pro tip Contrast — unhealthy love, a partner who rushed you — is what makes the healthy version legible.
- 4
Use it against self-doubt
When you fear you are asking for too much, point to the past that makes the standard a non-negotiable.
Pro tip A past-validated standard is what lets you fight for the right relationships and walk away from the wrong ones.
Watch out Discarding your past leaves you floating on unbacked theoretical standards.
In the wild
Someone stands at the line wondering if they are asking for too much; instead of caving, they point to the past experience that produced the standard.
→ The standard becomes unbreakable and non-negotiable rather than something they can be talked out of.
Common mistakes
Living on borrowed standards
Holding only theoretical Standards 1.0 from TikTok or parents leaves you floating with ideals that aren't backed by your own why and collapse under doubt.
Throwing away the past
Refusing to look at painful experiences as a source of clarity discards the contrast that makes your genuine standards legible and defensible.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone second-guessing their standards or boundaries in dating and life.
Not ideal for
Processing serious trauma, which belongs with a mental-health professional.
From the transcript
“Standards 2.0 come from your experiences... when you have a past that validates your standard I consider that to be rather unbreakable.”
“Our pasts are the source of contrast which is the source of clarity in our life.”
From the episode
Case Kenny: Mindfulness for Entrepreneurs, How to Gain Clarity and Make Smarter Decisions
Case Kenny