Supporting vs Switching (Two-Thirds Rule)
Keep two-thirds of a conversation on the other person to build real connection.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 88%
Communication researchers distinguish supporting tactics, which reinforce what the other person said, from switching tactics, which redirect to what you want to say. Abrahams says research suggests being slightly more supporting than switching, and offers a rule of thumb of two-thirds supporting, one-third switching. The same balance governs self-disclosure: share some of your own stories, but let the other person talk more. Too little sharing feels like an interrogation; too much feels rude.
Origin
Abrahams draws the supporting/switching distinction from conversation research and pairs it with the two-thirds rule of thumb used in that literature.
Core principles
- 01A supporting response reinforces the other person's topic; a switching response redirects to yours.
- 02Research favors being slightly more supporting than switching.
- 03People enjoy conversations more when they get to talk about themselves.
- 04Share some of yourself or it feels like an interrogation; share too much and it feels rude.
How to run it
- 1
Recognize supporting vs switching
Notice whether your reply reinforces the other person's topic (supporting) or redirects to your own (switching).
- 2
Default to supporting
Lean toward supporting responses like follow-up questions that invite the other person to say more.
Pro tip 'Oh, which island did you go to?' is supporting; 'Oh, I just got back from Costa Rica' is switching.
- 3
Hold the two-thirds balance
Keep roughly two-thirds of the exchange supporting and disclosing your own stories only about a third of the time.
Watch out Share nothing and it feels like an interrogation; share too much and it becomes almost rude.
In the wild
If someone says they just got back from Hawaii, asking 'which island did you go to?' is a supporting tactic that invites them to say more. Replying 'oh, I just got back from Costa Rica' is a switching tactic that pulls the spotlight to you.
→ The supporting move keeps the other person talking and signals genuine interest, strengthening connection.
Common mistakes
Over-switching to your own stories
Constantly redirecting to what you want to say makes the other person feel unheard and can come across as rude.
Sharing nothing at all
If you only ask questions and never disclose, the conversation feels like an interrogation.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone doing small talk, networking, or interviewing who wants others to open up and feel good.
Not ideal for
Contexts where your own expertise or story is explicitly what's being requested.
From the transcript
“You want to be slightly more supporting than switching because that puts the other person in the position of you demonstrating interest.”
“The rule of thumb that they have in this switching versus supporting approach is you want 2/3 supporting, 1/3 switching.”
From the episode
Matt Abrahams: Spontaneous Speaking for Entrepreneurs, How to Communicate Confidently On the Spot
Matt Abrahams