Talk to Yourself, Don’t Listen to Yourself
Answer recurring negative thoughts with prepared truths
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 100%
Create a two-column script for the mental battle that repeats in high-pressure situations. In the left column, write the exact negative thoughts and patterns that regularly appear. In the right column, prepare truthful words of encouragement that directly answer each one. When a negative thought returns, do not passively listen, reinforce it, or treat it as identity. Speak the corresponding truth and redirect attention toward purpose and the next action. Rehearsal before an interview, presentation, race, or difficult conversation builds a reliable mental routine, much like an athlete practises a pre-performance sequence. Over time the responses become easier to access, resilience strengthens, and the person can perform without requiring negative thoughts to disappear first.
Origin
Double-Ironman finisher Dr James Gills told Gordon he learned to talk to himself instead of listening to himself. Gordon turned the idea into a written two-column exercise used in leadership training.
Core principles
- 01A thought does not become true because it appears
- 02Prepared self-talk outperforms improvised reassurance
- 03Mental strength grows through repeated practice
How to run it
- 1
Capture the recurring lies
Write the negative thoughts and patterns that repeatedly undermine you in the left column of a page.
Pro tip Use the exact language your mind uses.
Watch out Do not turn the list into evidence that the thoughts are true.
- 2
Write truthful answers
In the right column, write an encouraging and credible response to each thought.
Pro tip Ground each response in purpose, preparation, values, or real capability.
Watch out Grandiose claims you do not believe are less useful than honest counter-statements.
- 3
Speak when triggered
When the negative thought appears, answer it with the prepared truth instead of debating it indefinitely.
Pro tip Keep the response short enough to recall under pressure.
- 4
Rehearse before the moment
Practise the sequence before high-stakes events so it becomes a dependable routine.
Pro tip Pair the words with a breath and a specific next action.
Watch out Waiting until the peak of anxiety makes retrieval harder.
In the wild
A candidate writes, 'I do not belong in this room,' then answers, 'They invited me because my experience is relevant; my job is to explain it clearly.' Before the interview she breathes, repeats the response, and focuses on the first question.
→ She enters with a usable performance cue instead of arguing with anxiety.
Common mistakes
Believing every thought
The framework begins by separating the arrival of a thought from its truth or authority.
Practising only under pressure
Prepared responses become reliable through rehearsal before the difficult moment arrives.
Is it for you?
Best for
People facing recurring doubt, imposter feelings, or performance anxiety.
Not ideal for
People who use unsupported affirmations to avoid evidence, preparation, or needed treatment.
From the transcript
“i've learned to talk to myself instead of listening to myself”
“just because you have a negative thought doesn't mean you have to believe it”
“on the left side of a piece of paper you write down all your negative thoughts your negative patterns”
From the episode
Jon Gordon: Look On The Bright Side
Jon Gordon