Team Love Notes Exercise
Turn activity evidence into statements that reveal each teammate at their best
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 98%
Begin with one or two weeks of Loved It and Loathed It observations, then convert the evidence into three concise love notes beginning with phrases such as “I am at my best when,” “I love it when,” or “I get a kick out of it when.” These are not claims of being the best; they are personal statements grounded in recent work. In small-team sessions, each member shares the notes so colleagues can see how that person takes in information, contributes, and becomes energized. A later session can surface draining patterns in the same way. The mechanism replaces assumptions based on roles or superficial identity with explicit, activity-level awareness. That awareness supports better collaboration and task matching while preserving accountability for work that still has to be done.
Origin
Buckingham says he used this small-team exercise every three months in a software company of about 100 people and recommends it to Hala Taha's growing team.
Core principles
- 01People can authoritatively describe when they are at their best without claiming superiority
- 02Specific daily evidence cuts through assumptions about roles and identities
- 03Shared strengths language improves collaboration and task matching
- 04Awareness is more useful than pretending everyone works the same way
How to run it
- 1
Gather activity evidence
Have each teammate track Loved It and Loathed It activities for one or two normal workweeks.
Pro tip Capture observations in the moment.
Watch out Do not draft the notes from job descriptions or personality labels.
- 2
Write three love notes
Turn recurring loved activities into three statements beginning with I am at my best when, I love it when, or I get a kick out of it when.
Pro tip Pull every statement from the recent activity record.
Watch out Avoid claims that you are the best at something.
- 3
Create small groups
Break a large organization into teams small enough for every person to speak and be remembered.
Pro tip Reserve about two hours for an unhurried exchange.
- 4
Share the notes
Let each person explain when they are at their best and invite colleagues to notice implications for collaboration.
Pro tip Compare how different people take in information and approach similar work.
Watch out Do not debate whether someone's self-observation is valid.
- 5
Surface drains separately
In a later session, share statements such as I am drained when or I am at my worst when.
Pro tip Frame these as awareness for planning and support.
Watch out A draining activity is not automatic permission to refuse necessary work.
- 6
Repeat the ritual
Revisit the exercise periodically as the team, roles, and evidence change.
Pro tip A quarterly cadence keeps the language active.
In the wild
Marcus prepared 27 decision options for a boss who became visibly bored. She explained that she trusted him to bring two options, recommend one, and expect her usually to accept it. Neither style was inherently right; sharing how each person took in information created awareness that improved future interactions.
→ Both people could adapt the handoff without pretending they processed information identically.
Common mistakes
Turning notes into bragging
“I am the best at” invites comparison and dispute. “I am at my best when” is a grounded statement about the speaker's own experience.
Using notes as exemptions
The exercise builds awareness, not a right to discard every draining task. Use it to improve collaboration and expectations.
Is it for you?
Best for
Teams that want to improve collaboration, assignment decisions, and awareness of individual working patterns.
Not ideal for
Managers seeking a rigid allocation system that excuses people from all work outside their preferences.
From the transcript
“write three love notes to yourself not i'm amazing at no no you're not bragging you're just going i'm at my best when or i…”
“use the raw material of that loved it loaded activity as your raw material don't pull it out of the air pull it out of…”
“awareness is this beautifully powerful part of a building a great career but also building a great team the opposite of awareness is assumption”
From the episode
Marcus Buckingham: Harness Your Strengths
Marcus Buckingham