The Cold Palace
Anyone pulling against where you're going gets put on freeze — friends and family included.
- Difficulty
- Advanced
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 85%
Zhu names this with a Chinese idiom: the cold palace, where you put someone on freeze. If a person does not align to her goals and where she's headed, doesn't support her, gets in the way, or is being dramatic, she's out. The distinction that makes it workable is that freezing isn't severing — she keeps a lot of friends, a lot of acquaintances, a huge network. What she cuts is participation: she does not party with people, because the requirements of socializing with people on a hamster wheel don't fulfill her lifestyle. The vacated time is the point. It goes into reading — Rich Dad Poor Dad, Seven Habits, Think and Grow Rich, biographies of Warren Buffett and Hillary Clinton — into studying real estate every weekend, and into making friends with very successful people, which she calls the easiest way to get successful.
Origin
Zhu says she made the decision at a very young age, shaped by growing up on the third floor of a wealthy family's home and watching how rich people behaved. The idiom is Chinese — putting someone in the cold palace — and she applies it as a standing policy rather than a one-time purge.
Core principles
- 01Your peer group is an input to your outcome, not a neutral backdrop.
- 02Dead weight gets frozen out regardless of whether it's family or friends.
- 03Freezing is not severing — you can keep a large network without partying in it.
- 04Socializing with people on a hamster wheel has a real cost in time and money.
- 05Replace the frozen with study, reading, and friendships with very successful people.
How to run it
- 1
Look at what successful people actually do
Zoom out to the macro level. Ask whether most successful people hang out with friends smoking weed, eating out, drinking every day and partying on weekends. Her answer: probably not, most likely not.
Pro tip The macro pattern is the evidence. Use it instead of your own circle's norms as the reference point.
- 2
Identify the dead weight
Find who does not align to your goals and where you're headed, who doesn't support you, gets in your way, or is being dramatic. Zhu is explicit that this includes family.
Watch out This is the step most people refuse. Zhu says it's the tip a lot of young people simply don't want to do.
- 3
Put them on freeze, not on fire
Place the person in the cold palace — frozen, not severed. Zhu keeps a lot of friends, acquaintances, and a huge network; she just doesn't party with them.
Pro tip Freezing preserves optionality and relationships while removing the recurring cost of participation.
- 4
Redirect the reclaimed time into study
The frozen hours have to go somewhere. Zhu reads business and wealth books and studies real estate every weekend — making the time and making it a priority.
Pro tip Biographies work as fuel, not just information. Zhu names Warren Buffett and Hillary Clinton as ones that gave her inspiration.
- 5
Recruit successful people as the replacement
Deliberately make friends with really great, very successful people. Zhu calls this the easiest way to get successful.
Watch out A cold palace with nothing built in its place is just loneliness. The replacement input is what makes it a strategy.
In the wild
Zhu maintains a lot of friends, a lot of acquaintances, and a huge network — she does not burn bridges. But she doesn't party with people, because the requirements of socializing with people on a hamster wheel don't fulfill her lifestyle.
→ She keeps the optionality of the network while reclaiming the time and money the socializing would have consumed, a decision she made at a very young age.
Against the default millennial week — work, drinks, dinner, repeat, then Saturday brunch and the beach — Zhu spent her weekends reading Rich Dad Poor Dad, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Think and Grow Rich, and studying real estate.
→ Real estate became her forte and the vehicle for the wealth that let her stop working after five years in the workforce.
Common mistakes
Exempting family and old friends
Zhu applies the rule regardless: 'whether it's family or friends, they gotta go.' The people closest to you have the most gravitational pull toward your old mean.
Severing instead of freezing
The cold palace is a freeze, not a burn. Destroying relationships costs you the network Zhu deliberately preserves; the goal is to stop participating, not to make enemies.
Not budgeting the reclaimed time
Zhu's diagnosis of the default week is that people 'have no time to invest in yourself because you did not budget any time to invest in yourself.' Freezing people out without scheduling the replacement just moves the vacuum.
Is it for you?
Best for
People pursuing a hard goal whose current social circle actively costs them time, money, or belief.
Not ideal for
Anyone whose relationships are a primary source of meaning, or who would use it to rationalize isolation and cruelty.
From the transcript
“You have to cut out the dead weight in your life. You have to cut them out, whether it's family or friends, they gotta go.”
“Like in Chinese you say, put them into the cold palace, where you basically put someone on freeze. That's what I do if someone does…”
“I have a lot of friends, a lot of acquaintances, huge network, but I do not party with people because the requirements of socializing with…”
From the episode
Dandan Zhu: Becoming a Millionaire Before 30
Dandan Zhu