The Three Levels of Listening
Climb from inward to outward to intuitive listening to deepen bonds.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 80%
Taha lays out three ascending levels of listening. Inward listening hears what someone says and immediately relates it to your own experience; it finds commonality and aids likeability but is selfish and doesn't deepen the bond. Outward listening makes it about the speaker, asking about their opinions and interests to show you care. Intuitive listening goes further, attending not just to words but to tone, body language, and energy, sensing what's beneath the surface. The goal is to climb the ladder and operate at all three levels. She pairs this with a listening-styles quiz identifying bad habits like the faker, interrupter, logical listener, fisher, rebuttal-maker, and advice-giver.
Origin
Taha teaches these levels as content drawn from her podcast, noting that listening is where neurodivergent people, especially those with ADHD, often struggle in relationships.
Core principles
- 01Inward listening relates everything back to your own experience and stays selfish.
- 02Outward listening makes it about the speaker by asking about their experience.
- 03Intuitive listening reads tone, body language, and energy beyond the words.
- 04People love to talk about themselves, so asking questions deepens connection.
How to run it
- 1
Recognize inward listening
Notice when you hear a comment and immediately relate it to your own experience, e.g. 'oh me too'.
Watch out Inward listening builds likeability but keeps the conversation about you.
- 2
Shift to outward listening
Make it about the speaker by asking about their opinions, favorites, and interests.
Pro tip Ask follow-ups like 'what's your favorite place?' to show you care.
- 3
Reach intuitive listening
Attend to the speaker's tone, body language, and energy to hear what's beneath the words.
Pro tip If someone sounds unusually excited, name it and ask about it.
In the wild
To 'I love Vietnamese food', inward is 'me too', outward is 'what's your favorite dish?', and intuitive is 'you sound so excited, do you want to go to Vietnam?'
→ The same opener moves from self-focused to genuinely connecting depending on the listening level.
Common mistakes
Faking engagement
Nodding and saying uh-huh while planning your lunch order leaves the speaker unheard and the bond shallow.
Giving unrequested advice
Jumping to solve a problem the person didn't ask you to solve usually just makes them feel unheard.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone wanting to be more likeable and build deeper personal or professional relationships.
Not ideal for
Purely transactional exchanges where rapport isn't the goal.
From the transcript
“there's inward listening which is like the lowest level”
“outward listening is when you make it about the speaker”
From the episode
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