The Trusted-Perspective Blind-Spot Audit
Compare your self-assessment with candid evidence from people you trust
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 95%
Begin with your own assessment of an emotional behaviour, then seek an independent view from someone who knows you well and has earned your trust. Explicitly tell them that reassurance is not the goal: you want weaknesses, difficult observations, and concrete examples. Ask where they have seen you react poorly or create an unintended effect. Then compare their account with your own notes rather than accepting or rejecting it immediately. Agreement confirms a priority; disagreement identifies a possible blind spot that needs further evidence. The method works because internal intent and external impact are different data sources. It turns generic advice to ask for feedback into a structured audit with permission, specificity, comparison, and a bounded improvement target.
Origin
Bariso notes that hearing himself on a podcast can expose differences between what he meant and how he sounded. He recommends using a partner, close friend, mentor, or trusted colleague as an external perspective.
Core principles
- 01Everyone has emotional blind spots
- 02Trusted observers see behaviour you cannot see from inside
- 03Specific permission for candour improves feedback quality
- 04Comparing notes reveals gaps better than either view alone
How to run it
- 1
Write your own assessment
Identify the emotional behaviours you believe are strengths and the areas where you suspect problems. Include recent examples.
- 2
Choose a trusted observer
Select someone who has seen you in relevant situations and is willing to be honest. Prefer demonstrated care and judgement over status.
Pro tip A partner, close friend, mentor, or trusted colleague can each observe a different context.
Watch out Do not treat an unsafe person’s criticism as privileged truth.
- 3
Grant explicit permission
Tell the person you do not want what they think you want to hear. Ask directly for weaknesses and difficult observations.
- 4
Request behavioural evidence
Ask when they have seen the issue occur, what you did, and what effect it had. Capture examples rather than labels alone.
Pro tip Ask about areas where you believe you have no problem; those may contain the blind spots.
- 5
Compare notes and practise
Compare their observations with your self-assessment and select one pattern to work on. Revisit the observer after practising a replacement behaviour.
Watch out Do not defend intent before understanding the reported impact.
In the wild
A manager believes they stay calm under pressure. They ask a trusted colleague not for reassurance but for examples of poor emotional management. The colleague identifies a recurring clipped tone during deadline discussions.
→ The manager gains a specific blind spot and can practise regulating tone in the exact context where it appears.
Common mistakes
Fishing for reassurance
If the request implicitly rewards praise, the observer is unlikely to disclose the blind spot.
Asking for labels without examples
Broad judgments are difficult to test or translate into a replacement behaviour.
Defending before comparing
Immediate explanation protects self-image but discards the external perspective the audit was designed to obtain.
Is it for you?
Best for
People with trusted relationships who want a more accurate view of how their behaviour affects others.
Not ideal for
Seeking feedback from manipulative, unsafe, or poorly informed observers.
From the transcript
“we all have blind spots we all have things that we're missing”
“I don't want you to tell me just what you think I want to hear I want to know where my weaknesses are”
“ask someone they trust and kind of compare notes and that can help you to identify some of those blind spots”
From the episode
YAPClassic: Justin Bariso on Boosting Your EQ
YAPClassic