The First Money Memory
Your earliest memory of money is still writing today's financial rules.
- Difficulty
- Starter
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 88%
Before any budgeting or debt tactics, Dunlap has people identify their first money memory because it shapes how they view money now. For her, it was saving change in an Altoids tin to buy a theater ticket after her mom said she'd have to save for it, internalizing 'if I want something, I save.' For others it's parents screaming about not having enough, which can drive scarcity or hoarding. The follow-up question matters most: how does that memory shape the way I manage money today? Naming the through-line converts an unconscious script into a conscious choice.
Origin
In one-on-one coaching, Dunlap noticed clients would succeed for a while then fall off, and digging in revealed deep emotional and psychological hang-ups about money that traced back to childhood. She built the exercise as the first chapter of Financial Feminist.
Core principles
- 01Financial behavior is largely inherited from how caregivers modeled money.
- 02Surfacing the origin of a belief lets you decide whether to keep it.
- 03Even 'positive' money memories can produce harmful extremes like over-saving.
- 04You cannot change a pattern you can't see.
How to run it
- 1
Recall the earliest memory
Identify the first time you remember thinking about or interacting with money.
- 2
Feel the charge
Notice whether the memory is soothing, anxious, shameful, or empowering, and what your caregivers modeled in it.
- 3
Trace the through-line
Ask how that early memory maps onto how you save, spend, or avoid money today.
Pro tip Sometimes the pattern is a direct copy; sometimes it's the exact opposite reaction.
Watch out A 'positive' saving memory can still curdle into anxious over-saving that deprives you of all joy.
- 4
Decide what to keep
Consciously choose which inherited beliefs to carry forward and which to set down.
In the wild
A client earning around $75K was saving 90% of her income. Dunlap dug in and found the client hadn't grown up with much, so she felt she had to save every penny against an uncertain future. The memory was driving an extreme even though it looked responsible.
→ Dunlap coached her to 'ease off the gas,' giving her permission to spend and enjoy without abandoning security.
Common mistakes
Assuming positive memories need no examination
A childhood that taught saving can still produce anxious deprivation; the memory needs unpacking regardless of whether it seems good.
Skipping straight to tactics
Jumping to budgets and Roth IRAs without surfacing the underlying money story is why people fall off the wagon.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone stuck in a money pattern they can't explain, or coaching others through one.
Not ideal for
People seeking immediate tactical mechanics rather than root-cause reflection.
From the transcript
“just thinking about your first money memory... what is the first time you remember thinking about money because that will have a huge impact on…”
“the follow-up question is not just what is my money memory but like how does my first money memory again shape the way I'm managing…”
From the episode
Tori Dunlap: Unlocking Financial Freedom, the REAL Cause of Money Problems and How to Defeat Them for Good
Tori Dunlap