The Four Questions to Stay Open
Slow your thinking down and climb back down the ladder before you decide you're right.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 82%
This is a four-question tactical checklist Lederman puts in the openness chapter to help people slow their thinking and stay open to being wrong. Because we take in small bits of information, decide quickly, and then seek confirming evidence, the questions deliberately interrupt that loop. They move you back down the 'ladder' of inference so another person's idea and the possibility that you're wrong stay in play. A fifth self-check — am I trying to be right or to win — guards against letting dislike of a person override the merits of their point.
Origin
Lederman built the questions to make unconscious bias conscious and added the final 'am I trying to be right' check after noticing she sometimes went for the win and failed to separate the person from the problem.
Core principles
- 01We decide fast on little information, then seek data that confirms the decision.
- 02Making unconscious bias conscious lets you counteract it by choice.
- 03Separating the person from the problem stops dislike from blocking a good idea.
- 04Being open to being wrong is a deliberate slowing of judgment.
How to run it
- 1
Ask what you don't know
Surface the information you're missing before treating your first read as complete.
- 2
Ask how else you could interpret it
Generate an alternative reading of the situation to break a single fixed interpretation.
- 3
Ask what if you're wrong
Hold open the possibility that your conclusion is mistaken so you stay receptive to the other person's idea.
- 4
Ask whether you want to be right — and to win
Check whether you're defending a position out of ego or dislike rather than merit, and separate the person from the problem.
Pro tip Notice when you're refusing a point simply because you don't like the person making it.
Watch out Going for the win can make you reject a point you already know is correct.
In the wild
Lederman added the 'am I trying to be right' question after catching herself going for the win — 'I just don't like you and therefore I'm not gonna let you in even though I know you're right.'
→ The added self-check kept her from rejecting correct ideas because of interpersonal friction.
Common mistakes
Feeding confirmation bias
Deciding quickly and then only gathering evidence that supports the decision locks in errors and closes you to better ideas.
Fusing the person and the problem
Letting dislike of the messenger drive rejection of the message sacrifices a good outcome to a need to win.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone in disagreements or fast decisions who wants to check assumptions before reacting.
Not ideal for
Time-critical decisions where deliberate slowing isn't possible.
From the transcript
“what don't I know how else could I interpret it what if I'm wrong do I want to be right”
“we make decisions really quickly we take in little bits of information and then we decide... and then we look in more information to confirm…”
From the episode
Michelle Tillis Lederman: Creating Connection, How to Build Strong Relationships in the Networking Age
Michelle Tillis Lederman