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Michelle Tillis Lederman24 July 2023

Michelle Tillis Lederman: Creating Connection, How to Build Strong Relationships in the Networking Age

7Frameworks
12Insights

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Frameworks in this episode

Influence5 steps

Adding Value Through Light Touches

Introduce, inform, invite, appreciate — stay in someone's orbit without getting in their face.

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Self-Mastery5 steps

Self-Mastery and Social Mastery (Five Levels of Emotional Intelligence)

Three levels inward, two levels outward — from self-awareness to collaborative decisions.

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Communication4 steps

The Ask Toolkit

If you don't ask the answer's no — but ask in a way that never risks the relationship.

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Leadership4 steps

The Four Pillars of Trust

Authenticity, vulnerability, transparency, consistency — give trust to get trust.

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Mindset4 steps

The Four Questions to Stay Open

Slow your thinking down and climb back down the ladder before you decide you're right.

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Influence7 steps

The Seven Mindsets of a Connector

Open, clear-visioned, trusting, abundant, curious, conscientious, generous — the enabling mindsets of connection.

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Self-Mastery3 steps

Unique Charms

Name the strength that sometimes works against you, so others know how to take you.

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Insights & moments

The myth-busts, hot takes, explainers, and tools worth keeping.

Myth Buster· 1

Myth Buster45:00

Introverts Can Be Great Connectors Too

Contrary to stereotype, introverts are naturally skilled at building deep connections. Being 'social and curious' doesn’t require being loud—it means engaging authentically with individuals, which introverts often excel at.

  • Being social doesn’t mean being a social butterfly.
  • Introverts are often better listeners and more thoughtful connectors.
  • Find your format—virtual, one-on-one, small groups.
  • Stretch slightly beyond comfort to grow connection skills.

“Being social and curious is not the life of the party—it’s about one-on-one connection.”

Michelle Tillis Lederman · 45:30
#introverts#networking#emotional intelligence#communication

Hot Take· 2

Hot Take04:30

AI Could Remove Authenticity From Communication

Michelle expresses concern that AI, while useful for drafting messages quickly, risks removing authenticity from human communication. She advises using AI to speed up tasks but 'bookending' it with personal touch to preserve connection and humanity.

  • AI can draft communications quickly but may strip away personal authenticity.
  • Authentic connection is lost when messages lack personal input.
  • Use AI as a tool, but add your own voice before sending.
  • AI should enhance, not replace, human connection.

“I do worry about AI removing the authenticity from our communications.”

Michelle Tillis Lederman · 06:00

“Use it for what it does—speed us up—but make sure you bookend it with the essence of you.”

Michelle Tillis Lederman · 06:30
#AI#communication#authenticity#technology
Hot Take42:30

Abundance: There’s Enough to Go Around

Michelle argues that an abundance mindset—believing there’s enough success, clients, and opportunities for everyone—is crucial for connectors. It enables collaboration over competition and fosters strategic alliances.

  • Abundance means believing things can be exponentially better.
  • Jealousy is natural, but can be released in favor of learning.
  • Collaboration beats competition in growth and innovation.
  • View peers as potential allies, not rivals.

“I have no competition—I only have potential strategic alliances.”

Michelle Tillis Lederman · 44:30
#mindset#abundance#collaboration#success

Explainer· 4

Explainer03:30

Why Connection Is More Important Than Ever

Michelle Tillis Lederman explains that relationships are our greatest asset—both personally and organizationally. In today’s 'networking age,' nurturing connections is essential for retention, engagement, productivity, and morale. Leaders must create connected cultures by showing genuine care for people and what they care about.

  • Relationships are the greatest asset for individuals and organizations.
  • The modern workplace is in a 'networking age' where human connection drives results.
  • Connected cultures improve engagement, loyalty, and morale.
  • Leaders must show they care about people and their interests.

“Your relationships and the people in your life are your greatest asset.”

Michelle Tillis Lederman · 03:30
#relationships#leadership#workplace culture#connection
Explainer06:30

Understanding the Spectrum of Connectors

Michelle describes a spectrum of connectors based on two dimensions: initiation vs. responsiveness, and depth vs. breadth of relationships. Most people are 'emerging' or 'responsive' connectors, while 'acting connectors' initiate and maintain meaningful relationships.

  • Connectors exist on a spectrum from non-connector to global super-connector.
  • Initiation vs. responsiveness determines how proactive someone is in building connections.
  • Depth and breadth refer to niche vs. wide-ranging networks.
  • Acting connectors balance initiation and responsiveness.

“An acting connector is someone who prioritizes relationships in everything they do.”

Michelle Tillis Lederman · 08:00
#networking#relationships#connection#personal development
Explainer11:30

Why Being Open Is Foundational for Connectors

Being open means accepting both others and yourself. Michelle emphasizes self-acceptance as key to extending grace to others. She also stresses being open to being wrong, which helps counteract unconscious bias and confirmation bias.

  • Openness is bi-directional: toward others and toward oneself.
  • Self-acceptance enables authentic connection.
  • Being open to being wrong reduces bias and improves decision-making.
  • The Johari Window helps identify blind spots and hidden traits.

“We need to be open and accepting of ourselves so that we can also give that same grace to everyone else.”

Michelle Tillis Lederman · 13:30
#self-awareness#emotional intelligence#authenticity#bias
Explainer24:00

The Five Levels of Emotional Intelligence

Michelle breaks down emotional intelligence into two domains: self-mastery (self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation) and social mastery (social awareness, relationship management). Mastery enables collaboration and trust.

  • Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence.
  • Self-regulation prevents reactivity and builds responsiveness.
  • Social awareness includes listening with eyes and ears.
  • High EI enables co-creation and empowered decision-making.

“Emotional intelligence is self-mastery and social mastery.”

Michelle Tillis Lederman · 25:30
#emotional intelligence#self-awareness#leadership#communication

Tool· 3

Tool12:00

Reframe Your 'Flaws' as Unique Charms

Michelle introduces the concept of 'unique charms'—traits that are core to who you are, even if they sometimes backfire. Instead of suppressing them, name them, own them, and teach others how to interpret them to maintain authenticity and connection.

  • A 'unique charm' is a core personal trait that isn't a weakness.
  • Examples include being talkative or highly confident.
  • Naming your charm helps others understand your intent vs. impact.
  • This builds trust and reduces misinterpretation.

“A unique charm is that quality about ourselves that is core to who we are.”

Michelle Tillis Lederman · 12:00

“I said sometimes when I speak I come off as if my answer is the right answer... do not take me that way.”

Michelle Tillis Lederman · 22:30
#authenticity#self-awareness#communication#personal branding
Tool34:30

Master the Art of Asking Without Awkwardness

Michelle shares powerful asking techniques—opt-out, make-it-easy, non-ask—that preserve relationships while increasing the chance of a 'yes.' The key is reducing pressure and honoring the other person’s autonomy.

  • Use opt-out asks to make 'no' easy and acceptable.
  • Make it easy with smaller options or convenient timing.
  • The 'non-ask' shares goals passionately to spark organic help.
  • Asking is about relationship preservation, not just getting a yes.

“If you don't ask, the answer is no. If you ask, you increase your odds.”

Michelle Tillis Lederman · 34:30

“The non-ask is sharing your goal with passion—people want to help.”

Michelle Tillis Lederman · 40:00
#communication#asking#networking#influence
Tool52:30

How to Build Connection in a Hybrid Workplace

In hybrid environments, intentionality is key. Michelle recommends building 'water cooler moments' into virtual meetings, rotating connection activities, and using simple check-ins to maintain relationships.

  • Intentionally create space for informal connection in meetings.
  • Use rotating icebreakers or 'connection activities' at the start.
  • Simple check-ins like 'It’s been too long' re-engage stale connections.
  • Small, consistent touches keep relationships alive.

“Build into the agenda those moments of water cooler.”

Michelle Tillis Lederman · 52:30

“My favorite subject line: 'It’s been too long.'”

Michelle Tillis Lederman · 51:30
#hybrid work#leadership#communication#team culture

Takeaway· 2

Takeaway28:30

Why a Clear Vision Fuels Connection

Having a clear vision—whether personal or professional—is essential for leveraging connections. It allows you to answer 'How can I help?' with specificity, making it easier for others to support you.

  • A clear vision clarifies what you want and need.
  • It enables faster, easier, better results through connection.
  • Vision can be short-term (e.g., 100 Amazon reviews) or long-term.
  • Knowing your goals helps others help you effectively.

“If you don't know what you want, you can't get it.”

Michelle Tillis Lederman · 29:30
#goal setting#vision#networking#productivity
Takeaway47:30

Generosity Is the Connector’s Superpower

True connectors operate from a generous spirit—not just giving, but thinking about mutual value creation. Generosity builds trust and long-term relationships that sustain success.

  • Generosity means thinking beyond yourself to mutual benefit.
  • It’s a foundation of the connector mindset.
  • Acts of value—intros, info, recognition—build reputation.
  • Generosity sustains relationships over time.

“You can't be a connector if you don't want to add value.”

Michelle Tillis Lederman · 47:30
#generosity#networking#relationships#leadership