Self-Mastery and Social Mastery (Five Levels of Emotional Intelligence)
Three levels inward, two levels outward — from self-awareness to collaborative decisions.
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~months to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 80%
Lederman organizes emotional intelligence into two parts across five levels. Self-mastery covers the first three — self-awareness (knowing your triggers and traits), self-regulation (responding rather than reacting when triggered), and self-motivation (acting and recovering in the face of obstacles). Social mastery covers the last two — social awareness (picking up social cues and listening with your eyes as well as your ears, then checking assumptions) and collaborative decision-making, the pinnacle where you co-create with others so they feel empowered and engaged. She stresses that people can be strong at one level and weak at another, and that feedback, especially through a coached assessment, is the way to find out.
Origin
Lederman frames this two-part, five-level model — which she credits to an unnamed source and connects to Daniel Goleman's work — from her own coaching practice and her fresh listen to the tenth-anniversary edition of Goleman's Emotional Intelligence.
Core principles
- 01Emotional intelligence splits into self-mastery and social mastery.
- 02Self-mastery is self-awareness, self-regulation, and self-motivation.
- 03Social mastery is social awareness and collaborative decision-making.
- 04Feedback — ideally via a validated assessment — is how you find your gaps.
How to run it
- 1
Self-awareness
Understand your triggers and both the good and the bad in how you operate — the starting point of self-mastery.
- 2
Self-regulation
Move from reactive to responsive in moments of trigger rather than being run by the emotion.
Watch out Knowing your triggers isn't enough — if you still let them trigger you, regulation is the work to do.
- 3
Self-motivation
Keep acting, rebound, recover and regroup when a roadblock or setback hits.
- 4
Social awareness
Take EI outside yourself — pick up social cues, listen with your eyes as well as your ears, and check your assumptions instead of assuming you're right.
Pro tip If your eyes are always down on your work, you miss the cues others are giving you.
- 5
Collaborative decision-making
Co-create and make decisions with others so they feel empowered, appreciated and engaged — the pinnacle of mastered EI.
In the wild
Lederman notes she and her business partner Kate are both masters of emotional intelligence but in very different ways, strong in different aspects of the model.
→ It illustrates that EI is not one uniform trait — people can be strong at some levels and weaker at others.
Common mistakes
Treating EI as a single trait
Assuming you're either good or bad at emotional intelligence hides the specific level — regulation, social awareness — where the real gap sits.
Taking a paid assessment without a coach
A robust report without expert help leaves you knowing your triggers but not what to do with them; Lederman advises pairing paid assessments with a coach.
Is it for you?
Best for
Leaders and professionals who want to diagnose and improve specific emotional-intelligence capabilities.
Not ideal for
Those seeking a single quick score rather than a diagnostic they'll act on.
From the transcript
“I think of it in two parts self-mastery and social Mastery”
“listening I always say with your eyes as well as your ears”
From the episode
Michelle Tillis Lederman: Creating Connection, How to Build Strong Relationships in the Networking Age
Michelle Tillis Lederman