Unique Charms
Name the strength that sometimes works against you, so others know how to take you.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 85%
A unique charm is a quality core to who you are that you genuinely love about yourself but that doesn't always work in your interactions with others. Rather than suppressing it, Lederman teaches you to become open and accepting of it, then flex it in the moments it misfires. The key move is to name the charm out loud to collaborators — telling them how not to interpret you and how to keep you in line. This matches intent with impact and turns a potential blind spot into a collaborative, disarming asset.
Origin
Lederman developed the concept from her own traits — talking a lot and filling every silence — and her husband's tendency to go for the joke at the wrong time, recognizing these as charms to flex rather than flaws to fix.
Core principles
- 01A unique charm is a core strength, not a weakness — you don't get rid of it.
- 02The same quality that makes you successful can misfire in specific interactions.
- 03Naming a charm out loud bridges the gap between your intent and your impact.
- 04Openness to yourself lets you flex the trait rather than suppress it.
How to run it
- 1
Identify your unique charm
Name a quality that is core to you and that you love — talkativeness, confidence, humor, intensity — that is also a strength behind your success.
Watch out It is not a weakness; framing it as one undercuts the point and the strength.
- 2
Spot where it misfires
Observe the interactions where the trait works against you — coming on too strong, joking at the wrong moment, sounding like your answer is the only answer.
Pro tip Feedback is how you surface this; the intense, intimidating read was Lederman's own blind spot until people told her.
- 3
Name it and hand over the controls
Tell collaborators off the bat how not to interpret you and how to respond — for example, invite them to push back or interrupt when you overshoot.
Pro tip Teach employees and assistants how to manage up; it builds more collaborative, cohesive relationships.
In the wild
Co-creating a program with a team member, Lederman said up front: 'please disagree with me, please push back on me... sometimes when I speak I come off as if my answer is the right answer and there's no room for anybody else. Do not take me that way.'
→ The colleague thanked her, committed to pushing back, and did — producing a more collaborative working relationship.
Common mistakes
Calling the charm a weakness
Framing a core strength as a flaw leads to suppressing the very quality that drives your success instead of flexing it situationally.
Leaving intent and impact unspoken
If you never name how your trait can be misread, others fill the gap with their own interpretation and the relationship absorbs the friction.
Is it for you?
Best for
Leaders, managers and strong personalities whose confidence, intensity or humor sometimes lands wrong.
Not ideal for
People who genuinely need to change a behavior rather than reframe and flex it.
From the transcript
“a unique charm is not a weakness your confidence is your strength... it is not always working in your interactions with other people”
“it's matching intent with impact”
From the episode
Michelle Tillis Lederman: Creating Connection, How to Build Strong Relationships in the Networking Age
Michelle Tillis Lederman