The Law of Giving
Give to give, not to get — the relationship's foundation is unconditional value.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~months to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 85%
The law of giving is one of the two laws Lederman names as most important (alongside authenticity). She deliberately renamed the chapter from 'law of reciprocity' because reciprocity implies give-to-get, and she means the opposite: give first, give often, because you want to, without expectation of return. The mindset is 'how do I add value to you, show you I hear you, care about you, want to support you.' When people feel that, they want to bring it back — but not because they have to. She adds that giving is often received from a different direction than you gave, so you shouldn't track whether it feels one-directional.
Origin
Lederman renamed the chapter from 'law of reciprocity' to 'law of giving' because the reciprocity framing kept implying quid pro quo, which contradicted the give-to-give mindset she was actually teaching.
Core principles
- 01Give first, give often, and give because you want to — not with expectation of return.
- 02It is not quid pro quo; that's why she renamed it from 'reciprocity' to 'giving.'
- 03Giving in one direction is often received from another; don't track directionality.
- 04Authenticity is the thread through all the laws; you can't be likable unless you're real.
How to run it
- 1
Adopt the give-first mindset
Come into relationships intending to add value first and often, without expectation of something in return.
Watch out Give-to-get or quid pro quo thinking can be felt by the other person and undermines the connection.
- 2
Show you hear and care
Demonstrate that you're focused on them, curious about them, and want to help and support them, so they feel genuinely valued.
- 3
Release directionality
Don't worry if giving feels one-directional; you often give in one direction and receive from another, and holding the giving mindset gives you permission to receive too.
In the wild
Lederman explains the original chapter was 'law of reciprocity' but it didn't sit right because the content wasn't about give-to-get or quid pro quo, so she changed it to 'law of giving.'
→ A clearer framing that separates unconditional giving from transactional exchange.
Common mistakes
Giving to get
Attaching an expected return to your generosity turns it into quid pro quo, which people sense and which prevents a real foundation.
Keeping score of direction
Worrying that giving feels one-directional misses that value is often received from a different source than where you gave it.
Is it for you?
Best for
Relationship-builders who want durable networks rather than scorekeeping exchanges.
Not ideal for
Purely transactional deals where each side expects an immediate matched return.
From the transcript
“the other law I always say is love giving”
“give first to give often because you want to not without expectation of something in return”
“that's why we changed the title to the law of giving”
From the episode
Grow Your Network and Influence with the 11 Laws of Likability