The No Buster: What Are Your Concerns?
You never have to fear a no again — just ask them to diagnose the problem for you.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 95%
Carter's second window question is the antidote to fear of rejection: 'what are your concerns?' Instead of arguing against a no, you ask a question, and the other person diagnoses the problem for you. Once you know the real problem, you can solve it for them in a way that also solves it for you. She insists on this specific phrasing over 'how do you feel about this' because in a work setting people won't answer the feelings question — but concerns is an invitation they will accept. It also works on unspoken concerns: when someone's words say yes but their face or body says no, you name the mismatch out loud and then ask the concerns question.
Origin
Around March 9th 2020 every in-person event tied to Carter's book tour was cancelled, taking her book sales with them. Everyone said no to a digital replacement. Rather than argue, she called each one and asked what their concerns were — and converted the noes one by one.
Core principles
- 01You don't have to argue with a no — you ask a question and let them diagnose the problem.
- 02People will have concerns even if you're fabulous, but they won't express them unless invited.
- 03Ask 'what are your concerns,' not 'how do you feel about this' — they're not on your couch.
- 04Once you know the problem, you can solve it for them in a way that also solves it for you.
How to run it
- 1
Stop fearing the no
Recognise that a no is not a verdict, it's an undiagnosed problem. You don't need to fear it because you have a question that dissolves it.
- 2
Ask 'what are your concerns?'
Use this exact phrasing. Don't ask how they feel about it — in a work situation they're not on your couch. Concerns is the workplace-legal invitation to be open with you.
Pro tip It's an invitation: people have concerns even when your product and service are fabulous, but they won't express them unless invited.
Watch out Do not argue against the no. Arguing gets you a defended position, not a diagnosis.
- 3
Let them diagnose the problem for you
Go quiet. The other person will name the actual blocker — which is almost never what you assumed it was.
- 4
Solve their problem in a way that solves yours
Answer the stated concern directly with a proposal, often framed as 'would it help if...' or 'how might you find that out?'
Pro tip Frame your solution as an offer of help, not a rebuttal.
- 5
Read the unsaid concerns too
When the words say yes but the head is shaking no, or they're looking down at the paper, name it: 'your words are telling me yes but your face is telling me no' — or 'I feel like you might have a concern we haven't addressed yet, talk to me.' Then ask the concerns question.
Pro tip It was seeing the things they didn't say that landed Carter one of her biggest deals.
- 6
Work the noes one by one
Don't treat a wall of noes as one verdict. Call each person individually and run the same question. Different people have different concerns.
In the wild
After March 9th 2020, every in-person book event was cancelled and everyone said no to a digital replacement. Carter called them one by one asking 'what are your concerns?' The first said they'd never done this before and weren't sure how to run it on their platform — she asked 'would it help if my folks did it?' Yes. The next said they weren't sure employees would want a digital event — she asked 'how might you find that out?' They said they could survey them. They surveyed.
→ Every one of those noes converted to a yes. The employees all wanted the event, and Carter never had to argue once.
A company was considering bringing Carter in to speak, and mentioned they'd never brought in an outside speaker because they had an in-house training team. During a pleasant meeting she saw them looking down at their paper in a way that read as 'I want to do this but something's holding me back.' At the end she said she felt they might have a concern that hadn't been addressed, and invited them to talk. They said they were worried about the message it sent to their in-house team — did bringing in an outsider imply the team wasn't good?
→ Carter offered to list every company where she'd been the first outside speaker, reframed it as the training team deserving tools to advance their own careers, and offered to bring the in-house team in for part of the day to celebrate the expertise in the room. That landed the deal.
Common mistakes
Arguing against the no
Defending your position hardens theirs and you still never learn the real blocker. A question does what an argument can't.
Asking 'how do you feel about this' at work
People won't answer the feelings question in a professional setting — they're not on your couch. 'What are your concerns' gets the same information through a door they'll actually open.
Assuming silence means agreement
People have concerns even when everything about you is fabulous, but they will not volunteer them unless invited. Unasked-for concerns quietly kill deals.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone whose hesitation to negotiate is rooted in fear of rejection, and salespeople stuck arguing against objections.
Not ideal for
Counterparties acting in bad faith who will weaponise a stated concern rather than negotiate honestly.
From the transcript
“you don't need to fear the no ever again because you simply ask this question what are your concerns”
“i didn't have to argue i could simply ask a question and then the other person would diagnose the problem for me”
“they will have concerns or feelings about it but they're not going to express them unless they're invited”
“it was seeing the things that they didn't say that ended up being the key to really reaching something that was gonna work”
From the episode
Alexandra Carter: Negotiate Anything
Alexandra Carter