It's Not Selfish, It's Service
You're not taking time off work — you're taking time off for work.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 82%
Nemtin identifies permission as step zero: before categories, before barriers, before action, you have to stop believing that personal goals are selfish. His argument runs on two tracks. First, fuel: you can't do your job or take care of your family if you're not fuelled, and doing things you love is how you fuel — there's a tie between purpose and mental health that he thinks most people miss. Second, modelling: when you do what you love you inspire other people to do what they love, so pursuing your goals is literally giving others permission. He admits he used to think a bucket list was selfish given his responsibilities, and reversed only after watching thousands of strangers chase their lists just because his group chased theirs.
Origin
Nemtin used to think a bucket list was selfish, given all his responsibilities and everything he had to do each day. The reversal came from the MTV show's audience: for years afterwards people approached him to say they'd seen the show and changed course — travelled and met a spouse, opened a restaurant instead of becoming a doctor. Watching thousands of people go after their lists just because his group went after theirs converted his view from indulgence to service.
Core principles
- 01You cannot take care of others if you don't take care of yourself.
- 02Doing what you love is how you fuel yourself — and purpose is directly tied to mental health.
- 03When you do what you love, you give other people permission to do the same.
- 04Vacation is not time off work; it is time off for work.
- 05Permission is step zero — no list gets written without it.
How to run it
- 1
Run the fuel argument
You can't take care of other people if you don't take care of yourself. You can't do your job, you can't take care of your family, you can't be who you need to be if you're not fuelling yourself — and one way you fuel yourself is doing the things you love.
Pro tip Note the direct tie between purpose and mental health. Following things that matter to you gives a greater sense of wellbeing; it is not a luxury layer on top.
- 2
Run the permission argument
When you do what you love you inspire other people to do what they love. Pursuing your goals hands permission to everyone watching, which makes it service rather than indulgence.
Pro tip You probably can't count the number of people you've already inspired. The effect is invisible from the inside.
- 3
Reframe rest as an input
Apply the same logic to vacation. You're not taking time off work — you're taking time off for work, so you come back recharged and often with a bigger idea, because you've taken space and gained perspective.
- 4
Grant the permission, then write the list
Nemtin is explicit about the sequence: 'the first thing is give yourself permission by understanding that it's not selfish.' Only then do you look at what goals are actually important to you.
Watch out Attempting the list before resolving the guilt produces a list you quietly don't believe you're allowed to act on.
In the wild
Nemtin started noticing people around the world going after their bucket lists just because his group was going after theirs — thousands, tens of thousands through the show, millions in total. To this day people come up to him and say they saw the show, decided to travel instead of finishing school, met their husband travelling, and now have four kids and live in Italy. Others opened a restaurant instead of becoming a doctor.
→ The pattern reversed his own belief that a bucket list was selfish. 'It's not selfish, it's service, because you are giving other people permission to do the same.'
Common mistakes
Treating responsibilities as disqualification
The intuition is that more responsibility means less entitlement to personal goals. It inverts the actual logic: the more people depend on you, the more the fuelling matters, because an unfuelled person can't do the job or be there for the family.
Feeling guilty about vacation
Framing rest as a withdrawal from work rather than an input to it. You come back recharged and with a bigger idea because you had space and perspective — the time off is what produces the work, not what subtracts from it.
Is it for you?
Best for
People in their late twenties and beyond who feel their responsibilities have disqualified them from personal ambition.
Not ideal for
People who need the opposite correction — who already prioritise personal pursuits over genuine obligations.
From the transcript
“It's not selfish, it's service, because you are giving other people permission to do the same and you also fuel yourself.”
“You're not taking time off work, you're taking time off for work, so that you can come back recharged.”
“There's this big tie between purpose and your mental health that I think a lot of people are missing.”
“The first thing is give yourself permission by understanding that it's not selfish.”
From the episode
Ben Nemtin: Badass Bucket Lists
Ben Nemtin