Surround Yourself Only With People Who Inspire You
One decision about who gives you energy can redirect an entire life.
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~months to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 85%
Nemtin calls this the single decision that completely changed his life — he would not be doing anything he now does without it. Coming out of his depression, he found new groups of people who gave him energy, had already travelled, had started businesses, and he decided to try to only surround himself with people who inspired him, almost by necessity because he needed the energy. He pairs it with a golf metaphor: a ball hit one or two degrees off doesn't look wrong at the tee but lands tens of feet off centre. That's how small shifts work — invisible in the moment, enormous over time. The empowering corollary is that it runs both ways: you can change your life in any moment, and your small gestures ripple into other people's lives the same way.
Origin
After dropping out of college in a depression, Nemtin's friends pulled him out of the house to work with them in a new town for the summer. There he found people who inspired him — people who had travelled and started businesses — and realised that the friends of high school were a petri dish of proximity, not his people. He decided to only surround himself with people who inspired him. The first application was calling Johnny, a filmmaker he barely knew, to propose a movie with no subject: The Buried Life.
Core principles
- 01Your default peer group is a petri dish of proximity, not of fit.
- 02If they're not your people, your people are out there — it just takes time to find them.
- 03Select on energy: who gives it to you versus who takes it.
- 04A one-or-two-degree change in direction produces an enormous change in destination.
- 05The decision is a filter applied continuously, not a one-time cull.
How to run it
- 1
Recognise the petri dish
In high school or college you have a fixed set of friends chosen by proximity. If they're not your people, that isn't a verdict on you — your people exist, it just takes time to find them.
- 2
Select on energy
Find the people who give you energy. Nemtin's markers were people who had already travelled, already started businesses — people doing cool things who left him with more than he arrived with.
Pro tip Do it 'almost by necessity.' Nemtin adopted the rule because he needed the energy, not as an optimisation.
- 3
Go out on a limb to reach them
Nemtin barely knew Johnny when he called him to propose making a movie. Acting on these moments requires awareness that a moment is happening and a willingness to be proactive in it.
Watch out These pivot moments are small and easy to miss — a teacher's remark, a chance encounter. Awareness is the prerequisite to jumping on them.
- 4
Trust the one-degree compounding
You will not see the shift in the moment. A golf ball hit one or two degrees off looks fine leaving the tee and lands 30-50 feet off centre. Small changes become big changes over time.
Pro tip The corollary: your small kindnesses to others compound the same way. Being there for someone in a moment, or a compliment to a stranger, creates ripples that are hard to measure but very real.
Watch out Waiting for a huge massive shift to change your life is the trap. You don't need one.
In the wild
Returning from the summer that lifted his depression, Nemtin wanted to keep surrounding himself with people like the ones he'd met. One person came to mind: Johnny, a filmmaker from his neighbourhood he didn't know well. Nemtin secretly had always wanted to make a movie, so he called him and said let's make a movie — going out on a limb with someone he barely knew, with no idea what the film would be about.
→ They gathered Johnny's brother Duncan and their friend Dave. Johnny was then assigned the poem 'The Buried Life' at McGill, which named the whole project. The call led to a ten-year mission, an MTV show, a New York Times bestseller, and Nemtin's speaking career.
Common mistakes
Waiting for the massive shift
Nemtin: 'we get overwhelmed sometimes by thinking oh I have to make this huge massive shift to change my life and I don't think that's true.' The belief that only a dramatic change counts is what stops the small change that would actually work.
Missing the pivot moment
The moments that redirect a life are small and unannounced — a remark, a chance meeting. Without awareness and a willingness to be proactive, they pass unnoticed and the one-degree turn never happens.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone coming out of a hard period, or anyone whose current circle was assembled by school, geography, or accident rather than choice.
Not ideal for
People who would apply it as a licence to discard obligations to family or people genuinely depending on them.
From the transcript
“I'm gonna try and only surround myself with people that inspire me, almost by necessity because I needed that energy, and that single decision completely…”
“You hit a golf ball one or two degrees off, it doesn't seem like much, but by the time that it lands it could be…”
“You have this petri dish of friends but you don't realize that if they're not your people, there are your people out there — it…”
From the episode
Ben Nemtin: Badass Bucket Lists
Ben Nemtin