Relationship Networking: The Three Shifts
Stop networking for need and start building relationships that carry you.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~months to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 90%
Lederman reframes networking as 'relationship networking' — building the relationships you actually want rather than working a room for an outcome. She argues the word 'networking' carries 'work' and 'need,' which makes people avoid it, so she reframes it as another way of making friends. The system asks for three mindset shifts: from business to personal, from short-term to long-term, and from a me-focus (or a them-focus) to a relationship focus. The distinction between being strategic and being intentional is central: you can intentionally put yourself in situations to be curious without treating people as means to an end.
Origin
Lederman coined 'relationship networking' after her publisher forced the word 'networking' onto her book cover for SEO, even though she felt it was only half the story — the other half being relationships.
Core principles
- 01Networking with 'work' and 'need' in it triggers avoidance; reframe it as making friends.
- 02There is a difference between being strategic (transactional) and being intentional (curious).
- 03Real connection makes second-degree connections extend more easily.
- 04The relationship is its own entity — not about you, not about them, but the exchange between.
How to run it
- 1
Shift from business to personal
Refuse to 'get right down to business.' Instead get down to what people enjoy talking about — common people, places, causes, values, experiences, and interests, not jobs.
Pro tip When asked 'what do you do,' answer 'for fun?' or 'this weekend I...' to steer to personal common ground.
- 2
Shift from short-term to long-term
Drop the now-or-need mentality and adopt a relationship-building mindset, since you don't know who someone is connected to.
Watch out Dismissing someone because they can't help you now closes off their entire hidden network.
- 3
Shift from me (or them) to the relationship
It is not about what you need, and 'about them' is just me-in-reverse. Focus on the exchange — how you add value for both sides. Lederman calls this 'the dance.'
Pro tip Ask how you can add value in both directions rather than tracking what you can extract.
In the wild
Lederman describes landing a director-of-marketing role without looking for a job, because a vendor she had built a genuine connector relationship with offered it to her on the spot when they needed someone.
→ Employment secured through an existing relationship rather than an active job search.
Common mistakes
Treating networking as strategic extraction
Thinking 'you can't do anything for me, so next' collapses the relationship before its hidden connections can extend to you.
Getting right down to business
Opening on what you do rather than what you enjoy prevents the personal common ground where real connection forms.
Is it for you?
Best for
Professionals who find networking icky, forced, or purely transactional.
Not ideal for
Time-boxed transactional deal-closing where a relationship is not the goal.
From the transcript
“there's a difference between strategic and intentional”
“when it comes to relationship networking there's three shifts I want people to make”
“please don't get right down to business”
From the episode
Grow Your Network and Influence with the 11 Laws of Likability