Tell Me (The Window Opener)
Two words that aren't even a question, and they open every negotiation.
- Difficulty
- Starter
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 95%
'Tell me' is the first question in the window section of Ask for More — and Carter calls it a trick, because it isn't a question at all. It's an open invitation that gets the other side talking before you say anything about your own position. She teaches it as the universal opener for every negotiation regardless of scale, from a conversation about the home office to a six-figure deal during a pandemic. The mechanism is that it generates the most information and the most trust from the other side, which are the two things you need for a deal. It also works mid-conversation as a defusing and clarifying tool: summarise, then say 'tell me more about that,' and go silent.
Origin
Carter developed it as the lead question of the window section of Ask for More, drawn from her mediation practice where getting parties to open up first is the whole job. She proved it in 2020 with a client who had already lost the same deal twice by leading with a pitch deck.
Core principles
- 01'Tell me' or 'tell us' are the two magic words that should start every negotiation.
- 02It's technically not a question at all — which is why it opens people up so completely.
- 03Open with it whether the stakes are the home office or a six-figure deal.
- 04It generates the two things every deal needs: maximum information and maximum trust.
How to run it
- 1
Do the mirror work first
Window questions only work once you've looked in the mirror — defined your problem, recalled your success, and written down your feelings. You're ready to listen because your mind is clear.
- 2
State your intention for the meeting
Say clearly what you understand the meeting to be for: 'my understanding is that we're meeting here today to do X.'
- 3
Hit them with the 'tell me'
Ask for their perspective before offering yours: 'tell us how you're seeing the sector and where our product fits in,' or 'tell me your perspective on [blank].' Get them to open up first.
Pro tip Use 'tell me' or 'tell us' — the two magic words that should start every negotiation, whatever the stakes.
Watch out Do not show the deck first. Leading with your material is exactly what loses the deal.
- 4
Stop talking
After the prompt, be silent. The silence is what produces the answer.
- 5
Respond fully and steer
Because they went first, you can now respond in a fuller manner and steer the kayak in the direction you want to go.
In the wild
A product supplier had met a distributor twice, shown their gorgeous pitch deck both times, thought they had the deal, and didn't get it. On the third attempt, on Carter's instruction, they showed no deck. They sat down and said: 'tell us how you're seeing the sector and where our product fits in' — then went silent. The distributor sat back in stunned silence for a couple of seconds, then said 'okay, you want to know why you didn't get the deal — here's why.'
→ She gave them the keys to the kingdom. They never showed the pitch deck, asked one question, stayed silent, and landed the six-figure deal.
A very senior diversity and inclusion specialist asked for more money and was told 'don't be silly, your husband makes more than enough.' She was frozen into silence. Carter's advice for such a moment: summarise it back neutrally — 'so we're here today to talk about my compensation for the job I'm doing, and you've told me don't be silly because my husband makes more than enough, did I get that right?' — then 'could you tell me more about that,' and sit in silence.
→ The recap plus 'tell me more' either triggers the other party's own self-awareness ('oh god, that was bad') or forces them to get concrete about a position that has no defensible reason behind it.
Common mistakes
Showing the deck first
Leading with your gorgeous pitch deck means you present into a vacuum — you never learn what they care about or why they said no last time. The supplier lost the same deal twice this way.
Asking 'tell me' and then filling the silence
The prompt only works if you close your mouth after it. Talking through the pause destroys the very opening you just created.
Skipping it because the stakes seem too small or too large
Carter uses the identical opener for a conversation about the home office and for a six-figure pandemic deal. Scale is not a reason to abandon it.
Is it for you?
Best for
Salespeople, founders and anyone who has been leading meetings with a presentation instead of a discovery.
Not ideal for
Situations where the other party has explicitly asked for a specific answer and open-ended prompting would read as evasive.
From the transcript
“it's kind of a trick because it's not a question at all”
“tell me or tell us are the two magic words that you should use to start every negotiation”
“they didn't need to show the pitch deck they asked one question and then they were silent and they landed the six-figure deal”
“you will get the most information and you will generate the most trust from the other side two key things that you need for your…”
From the episode
Alexandra Carter: Negotiate Anything
Alexandra Carter