Wear One Hat
Be the same person with the same values everywhere; one hat defines who you are, come hell or high water.
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 90%
Behar distinguishes between role-hats (mother, father, boss) and the one hat that matters: the values that define you as a human being. He argues you should wear that single hat everywhere, so that people never have to wonder whether what Howard says is what Howard does. If you wake up and have to put on a different 'spouse hat' with different values, you're in the wrong relationship; if you go to work and have to adopt different values, you're in the wrong job. Trying to be different people in different places produces constant pain and a life that is neither honest nor fulfilling. This is not about perfection but about a consistent, dependable identity.
Origin
Behar's thinking sharpened after a board chairman told him great leaders hold their cards close and don't wear their heart on their sleeve like he did, effectively asking him to be a different human being, which he refused.
Core principles
- 01Your true 'hat' is not a role; it's the values that define you as a human being.
- 02Living different values in different places produces a dishonest, painful life.
- 03If a workplace requires values other than yours, it's the wrong workplace.
- 04Consistency of who you are is the foundation of a trustworthy brand.
How to run it
- 1
Separate role-hats from your value-hat
Recognize that the many roles you play (parent, boss, partner) are not the hat that matters; the one hat is the values that define who you are.
- 2
Wear the same values everywhere
Carry your core values unchanged into every context so people can always depend on who you are.
Pro tip The goal is that no one ever wonders whether what you say matches what you do.
- 3
Audit your relationships and job
If your partner or your employer requires you to hold different values than your own, treat that as a serious signal to work out or change.
Watch out Living split value-sets by context guarantees a frustrated, dishonest, unfulfilling life.
In the wild
After a promotion, the chairman told Behar that great leaders hold their opinions back and don't wear their heart on their sleeve. Behar realized the man was asking him to be a different human being, not change a superficial habit.
→ Behar refused to change who he was, began a journey toward becoming a 'consciously competent' leader, and eventually left rather than wear a false hat.
Common mistakes
Confusing roles with identity
Thinking the one hat means your roles collapses the point; it's about consistent values, not refusing to be a parent or a boss.
Switching values by venue
Adopting one set of values at work and another at home makes decisions unclear and life dishonest and painful.
Is it for you?
Best for
Leaders and professionals wanting integrity and consistency across every part of their life.
Not ideal for
People who confuse this with rigidity in roles rather than consistency of values.
From the transcript
“the hat that defines who you are as a human being your values”
“if you try to be different people and have different values for every place you're at you're not going to have a very happy life”
From the episode
Howard Behar: Former Starbucks President Reveals How Starbucks Grew to 15,000 Stores